About two hours after Shawn’s colon surgery began, the head surgeon came out to talk with me and my friend Jason about how everything was going. “There were a few complications,” he began. My heart seemed to stop and time slowed down. “After we put in the scope, we encountered pus, indicating an perforated colon,” […]
Month: March 2018
I Knew You Before
Sometimes, when I try to remember my life before Shawn, I draw a blank. I can remember fun college parties, my awesome job working at a summer camp, and a general warm feeling about childhood. But right now, everything still seems a bit hazy, and thus my memories aren’t always so clear. For those memories, […]
Why I Can’t Call You Back
I have at least a dozen unanswered voicemails on my phone. That might not seem like a lot, but I just deleted all of my voicemails a few days ago. Sure, there’s one from the dentist and another from the cemetery (there’s a phrase I never thought I’d write) but most of the voicemails are […]
All Kinds of Therapy
I can’t even remember all of the people who sat in my kitchen and listened to me cry in the first few weeks of Shawn’s diagnosis. But I do remember them being there, and listening to me, and not usually knowing what to say, but staying nonetheless. They validated my feelings that things were horrible, […]
First Day Back
When I went to put on my shoes this morning, I realized they were caked with mud. For a moment, I was confused. But then I remembered – the last time I wore these shoes was at Shawn’s burial on that freezing January day. Ugh. It was the first thing to trigger my grief and […]
It’s Not “Better”
The other day, I was coming out of my house to run an errand and I ran into a neighbor. I don’t know her well, but she and her husband are always friendly. The day we moved into our house, they brought over a bottle of wine. When a hurricane struck DC soon thereafter, her […]