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There’s No Handbook for How to Do This

Month: August 2018

  • Tributes

Michele Flournoy’s Eulogy of Shawn

Posted on August 31, 2018August 31, 2018by Marjorie
Shawn Brimley backpacking before cancer

Below is the eulogy that Michele Flournoy gave at Shawn’s funeral. Shawn Brimley was an extraordinary human being. A devoted husband and father. One of the country’s most brilliant and respected defense intellectuals. An innovator and institution builder. A truly beloved colleague, mentor and friend. And an example for us all. He was in his […]

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  • Missing Shawn

Family photos

Posted on August 29, 2018August 26, 2018by Marjorie
Marjorie Brimley and children with Shawn's guitar after his death

The night before we took family photos this year, I picked up Shawn’s guitar and put it by the front door. I didn’t want to forget it. I’d already laid out the kids’ clothes and made sure we looked somewhat pulled together. But I felt like something was missing, so I went down and sat […]

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13 Comments
  • Things That Suck

20 Years

Posted on August 27, 2018August 26, 2018by Marjorie
Two photos of Marjorie Brimley's parents and husband before the death of her mom and Shawn

Two decades ago, a woman I barely knew shook me awake. I was staying with a friend on one of my days off as a camp counselor, and I had gone to bed early only to be awoken at dawn by my friend’s mother. “Your father is on the phone,” she said to me. I […]

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30 Comments
  • Family & Friends

Talking to My Kids About Death, Again

Posted on August 24, 2018August 26, 2018by Marjorie
Austin in church in Washington DC

Many years ago, when Claire was about 5, she was just starting to understand the concept of death. One day at school she learned from a friend that people can die of all sorts of diseases. This peaked her curiosity and she asked me about a dozen questions that night. “But how do people get […]

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  • New Perspectives

Promises I Can’t Keep

Posted on August 22, 2018August 26, 2018by Marjorie
Claire Brimley working on paperwork in DC house

Four days. That’s how long Shawn and I had to plan. I knew late Friday night that things were going badly, but it wasn’t until Saturday morning, January 6th, that the doctor told us that Shawn had “weeks, not months” to live. We thought we had at least a few weeks to get things together, […]

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9 Comments
  • Holidays

The First Day of School

Posted on August 20, 2018August 26, 2018by Marjorie
Brimley children and Grant sitting on steps in Washington DC

I missed my kids’ first day of school last year.  My hometown of Albany, Oregon was one of the best places to see the total solar eclipse of 2017 and so instead of walking my kids to their first day of school, I watched the eclipse with my dad and sister.  I don’t regret it, […]

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About Me

Marjorie and Shawn Color Portrait

I’m Marjorie Brimley, mother of three and high-school teacher in Washington, D.C., and this is the blog I never thought I’d have to write.

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Categories

  • Ask A Widow (13)
  • Dating (16)
  • Family & Friends (65)
  • Holidays (43)
  • Love and Chris (8)
  • Missing Shawn (53)
  • New Perspectives (75)
  • Parenting (55)
  • Things That Suck (71)
  • Tributes (11)
  • What Not to Say (23)
  • Work (11)

Archives

  • ►2021 (9)
    • ►January(9)
      • Holiday Cards (Part 2)
      • Accompany Me
      • The President We Need
      • Must Read This Week: Jamie Raskin
      • The Vaccine
      • Three Years
      • 2020 Vision Revisited
      • Now You Just Write Random Things
      • ...Hello, 2021 (Part 2 of 2)
  • ►2020 (152)
    • ►December(10)
      • 2020, It's Time to Go... (Part 1 of 2)
      • Kitchen Counter
      • Gingee
      • Promises
      • The Tree Sale
      • The Spot on the Bathroom Floor
      • Holiday Cards
      • He Makes the Coffee
      • Cold Pizza in the Back of the Mazda
      • Water and Fire
    • ►November(11)
      • Fierce Loyalty
      • Two Widows at the Orthodontist
      • Do You Know What's Hard?
      • It's Not All About the Last Day
      • Silence
      • Risk
      • The Exploding Whale
      • The Best Condolence Letter
      • His Kindness Will Echo
      • DC Widow Is Taking Today Off
      • Election Day 2020
    • ►October(13)
      • I'm Not a "Bike Widow"
      • Happy Birthday to My Mom
      • Letter to Shawn
      • Ask a Widow: Legacy (Part 2)
      • Ask a Widow: Legacy (Part 1)
      • The Price of Corn
      • Happy Birthday, Chris
      • That’s a Special Feeling
      • Make a Prediction (Part 2)
      • Four Years Ago
      • Want Less Judgmental Friends? Find Some Widows!
      • Make a Prediction
      • Hi, I'm Chris
    • ►September(13)
      • A Life That Sparkles (400th Blog Post)
      • The Danger of the Fast-Forward Button
      • I'm Not a Polygamist*
      • They Were So Little
      • Tell Me How To Do It (Tribute to Ruth Bader Ginsburg)
      • State of Exception
      • Room 9
      • Teachers, We Hear You
      • Relationship to Student
      • Austin's Hero
      • I Just Want to Know
      • The Room at the Hospital
      • Must Read This Week: Jesmyn Ward
    • ►August(13)
      • Family Resemblance
      • How Am I Actually Going to Do This?
      • Queen Anne's Lace
      • Ask a Widow: Could My Date Be a Father to My Kids?
      • What is Family?
      • What Kind of Beer Do I Like?
      • Cowboy Take Me Away
      • Letter to Myself: 1 Year (Part 3 of 3)
      • Letter to Myself: 6 Months (part 2 of 3)
      • Letter to Myself: 1 Month (part 1 of 3)
      • Why Widows Always Think About Death
      • Sometimes Bad Things Don't Happen
      • And Then I Am Crying
    • ►July(12)
      • Highs and Lows
      • Deserving It
      • You Can Do This. You Are Doing This.
      • Ask a Widow: How Do I Meet Other Young Widows?
      • It's Not Up To You
      • You're Not Really a Widow Anymore
      • The Earring
      • School and Single Parenting
      • What Does It Take to Date a Widow?
      • Safety
      • My Love Language
      • Who Would You Love More?
    • ►June(13)
      • Shawn's Birthday, Year 3
      • Ask a Widow: Dating is Hard When You Try to Predict the Future
      • How to Host a Crappy Zoom Call
      • Father's Day, Year 3
      • Tell Me About Him
      • You're Not Crazy. You're Grieving.
      • Put Your Dishes in the Dishwasher
      • "Making It"
      • I Miss My Dad
      • Congrats, Graduates of 2020
      • Three Grief Specialists to Follow Right Now
      • Two Widow Books You Should Read Right Now
      • My White Privilege
    • ►May(13)
      • Second, As In Again
      • 5th Grade Graduation
      • 3 am
      • How Does This Actually Work?
      • Ghosts in the Backyard
      • The 5 Friends a Widow Needs
      • How Widowed Parenting Prepared Me for Coronavirus Parenting
      • In My Driveway
      • Mother's Day, Year 3
      • Grandpa Tom's Jam
      • Teacher Appreciation
      • Hard Things Are Hard
      • My Nine-Year-Old Boy
    • ►April(13)
      • The Boy on the Bike
      • Being Alone is Scary
      • How (Not) to Date a Widow
      • Which Box Do I Check?
      • I'll Be Paying People Back for Carpool When I'm 80
      • The Bookshelf
      • Just in Case
      • I Can't Do This Anymore
      • I Wanna Dance With Somebody
      • Can I Take Out the Trash?
      • A Genuine Offer, Freely Given, With Gladness
      • Breaking Point
      • Ask a Widow: What If He's Not Shawn?
    • ►March(15)
      • Eleven
      • It's Not Something You Can Catch
      • Sore Throat
      • This Is Not a Referendum
      • Front Lines
      • Be Still. Listen.
      • Alone
      • Our Safe Space
      • 99%
      • My Babies Are Here With Me
      • Sometimes We Make Hard Choices When We Love Someone
      • An Imperfect Parent
      • Ask a Widow: What's So Hard With Online Dating?
      • I'm Still Alive!
      • Disaster Prep and the Coronavirus
    • ►February(12)
      • I Guess This Is What Healing Looks Like
      • The Happiest Place on Earth
      • 41
      • Out of the Corner of My Eye
      • Homework with Austin
      • Learning to Like Food...Again?
      • Valentine's Day, Year 3
      • Not Such a Guppy Anymore
      • Marjorie's Favorite Blog Posts (there are 300 now!)
      • My Name is Marjorie...
      • Table for Seven
      • That Super Bowl Google Ad
    • ►January(14)
      • Ask a Widow: How Do I Start to Date Again?
      • Emergency Contact
      • Musings on Heaven at Dinner
      • What About the Privilege?
      • Dear Insurance Company
      • Tough Love
      • 2020 Vision
      • Sometimes You Superglue It
      • Year of Yes Revisited
      • Remembering Shawn and The Tragically Hip
      • 2 Years Ago You Told Me This
      • Go on Vacation
      • Hey Married Lady! Here's What You Can Do To Support Your Single Friend
      • ...Hello 2020 (Part 2 of 2)
  • ►2019 (153)
    • ►December(13)
      • Goodbye, 2019... (Part 1 of 2)
      • Washing Dishes
      • Christmas Magic
      • Hallmark Christmas Movies
      • Ask a Widow: Navigating Friendships
      • You Are Alone. Accept That. Carry On. (Part 2)
      • Tommy's Christmas List
      • Excerpt from Marjorie's Speech, "Remembering Those We Love"
      • What Brought You to The Hospital Today?
      • Mysterious
      • I Keep Running
      • Speed Dating
      • The Warmth of Home
    • ►November(12)
      • My Body Knew
      • Ask a Widow: What to Do When You're a Widow and a Parent
      • My Widow Friend Abena
      • All Shawn Ever Wanted for Me
      • Just Marjorie and the Hash Run
      • Guilt
      • Ask a Widow: Yes, It's Okay to Want to Have Sex Again
      • Kindness
      • In a Hurry
      • Ask a Widow
      • Old and Young, At the Same Time
      • Trigger Warning
    • ►October(13)
      • The Avengers
      • Talking Football at the Kitchen Island
      • Grant Showed Us the Way
      • My Cross to Bear
      • In An Instant
      • And the Air Will Buzz Again
      • In the Middle
      • "If I Die, Please Get Remarried"
      • What's the Worst Thing That Can Happen?
      • October 10th
      • Marjorie's Favorite Grief Books
      • At First Glance
      • Grandpa Tom's Exercise Routine
    • ►September(13)
      • Zombies, Run
      • Lemonade
      • I Followed the Rules
      • When 5-Year-Olds Talk About Death
      • Costco, the Cemetery, and My Dad
      • I'm Not Getting a Dog
      • Ministry of Presence
      • So Close. And Yet So Far Away.
      • September 11, 2001
      • Grandpa Tom Returns
      • Do It When It Doesn't Make You Want To Throw Up
      • Home Base
      • From Standing to Dancing
    • ►August(13)
      • Do This, Because You Are Her Friend
      • Another Year Without My Mom
      • What My Kids Need At School This Year
      • The Man at the Gas Station
      • Flatwood Willie
      • Pistachio Nuts, Epipens and Friends
      • The Bear
      • Grilling
      • Kids That Could Be My Own
      • Can't You Just...?
      • "My Dad Died in the War"
      • Nights at the Kitchen Counter
      • Wisps of a Dream
    • ►July(14)
      • I Am Someone New, Too
      • What Austin Brought to Camp
      • Questions
      • Our Bathroom
      • What I'm Scared Of
      • Heavenly Love
      • Where’s Your Husband?
      • "Are You Going To Die?”
      • The Look of Real Love
      • The View in Portofino
      • Lost
      • Swimming in the Mediterranean Sea
      • Our 15th Wedding Anniversary
      • Shawn's Birthday, Year 2
    • ►June(12)
      • Sundance or Sunscreen?
      • Happiness Is For Other People
      • Team Brimley
      • Brave or Stupid
      • My 200th Blog Post
      • Father's Day, Year 2
      • The Last Day of School
      • Not a Shitty Husband
      • Marjorie's Graduation Speech
      • Soulmates and Other Things I Don't Believe In
      • Sick Day
      • The Day the Car Didn't Start
    • ►May(14)
      • Waiting for the Future
      • The Girl at the Coffee Shop
      • How Did You Cope?
      • The Oklahoma Clarks
      • Unaffected
      • Asparagus Cures Cancer
      • Tommy's Bike Ride
      • "It Hurt for Me"
      • Mother's Day, Year 2
      • One of the Most Important Things a School Can Do
      • The Worst Book I've Read in a Long Time
      • Zoe Keating's Concert
      • How My Son Found Family Across the Alley
      • The Talent Show
    • ►April(13)
      • The Little Things
      • The Clark Family
      • Heroic Work
      • Reflections at Your Grave on Easter Weekend
      • What (Not) to Say in Crisis
      • Sometimes There's a Little Vomit
      • The Closet
      • Rainbow Chicken
      • First Rental Car
      • New York, New York
      • Happy Now
      • Walk to the End of the Driveway
      • Colon Cancer Run
    • ►March(13)
      • "It's Okay, You Can Do It!"
      • Angry
      • You Are Alone. Accept That. Carry On.
      • Freak-Out Letter #6
      • He Pushed the Button
      • 24 Hours
      • It Might Not Happen For Me
      • Fleetwood Mac
      • Backsliding Into Grief
      • Running to the Door
      • Claire's New Email Address
      • I Am Doing Today
      • The Fans in the Stands
    • ►February(11)
      • Who Has a Better Life Than Us?
      • 40
      • Tommy's Birthday
      • Our Trip to the Waterpark
      • The Ensemble
      • Valentines Day
      • After a Year
      • Last Night
      • The Ring
      • Thestrals
      • Lullaby
    • ►January(12)
      • Careful
      • The Letter
      • Young Love
      • The Spelling Bee
      • Family
      • Across the Doctor's Office
      • Year of Yes
      • "I Want Daddy to Come Back"
      • When He Was Still Mine
      • In the Movie Version of My Life
      • "I Think He's Dying"
      • ….Hello 2019 (Part 2 of 2)
  • ►2018 (129)
    • ►December(13)
      • Good Riddance 2018…. (Part 1 of 2)
      • Home
      • Sweet Potato Fries
      • Christmas Eve
      • Just Because Your Husband Dies, You Don't Necessarily Get the Job
      • Salsa in my Cup
      • Decorating for Christmas
      • Santa Shawn
      • Lockdown
      • Shawn's Cancer Humor
      • Zombie Apocalypse
      • Strong
      • Stories for My Daughter
    • ►November(12)
      • One Year Later
      • Joy!
      • Watching “Widows”
      • Thanksgiving
      • More
      • Report Cards
      • Bill Brimley's Speech at CNAS in Honor of His Son, Shawn
      • Smash the Patriarchy
      • Field Trips, Open Houses and Other Events I Can't Attend Anymore
      • Shawn's Wife
      • What Would Shawn Do? (Election Day 2018)
      • Why I Might Have to Stop Reading "Mommy Blogs"
    • ►October(13)
      • Dad Is Not a Zombie
      • CNAS Tribute to Shawn (Part 2)
      • Guns and Cancer
      • Life advice from the aesthetician
      • It's Easy to Judge (100th Blog Post)
      • "Holistic Medicine" and Other Words I Never Used to Like
      • Austin and the Kittens
      • "Go To the Hospital"
      • Not My Domain
      • The Joshua Tree
      • Sorry For Your Loss: A Review
      • A Brutal Few Weeks
      • The Feminist in Our House
    • ►September(11)
      • My Garden
      • I Might As Well Get Cheaper Tires If My Husband Has to Be Dead
      • EMDR
      • Claire's Hero
      • Falling Trees
      • Reckless
      • Parent 2
      • We All Hurt
      • No Ma'am
      • The First Day of School, Part 2
      • Remembering Shawn as He Really Was
    • ►August(14)
      • Michele Flournoy's Eulogy of Shawn
      • Family photos
      • 20 Years
      • Talking to My Kids About Death, Again
      • Promises I Can’t Keep
      • The First Day of School
      • I Want to Die Right Now Because at Least Then I Wouldn’t Have to Carry Anyone Home After They Throw Up from Eating Too Much Ice Cream
      • Running With Anger
      • The Marine
      • A Beautiful Day
      • That Poor Girl
      • The Power of the Word "Widow"
      • Dear Girl on the Phone from UCLA
      • Weekend Shawn
    • ►July(13)
      • The Treadmill
      • Who's Saving Our Basement? (Part 2)
      • Reading with Claire
      • Why Being a Widowed Single Mom is So Hard
      • Single
      • Nana
      • The Scar
      • A Review of "A Widow's Guide to Healing"
      • Run Away
      • 6 Months
      • Go, Go, Go
      • An Anniversary of Sorts
      • What If the Plane Crashes?
    • ►June(13)
      • Shawn's Birthday, Part 2
      • Shawn's Birthday
      • 5 Stars
      • CNAS Tribute to Shawn
      • Brussels Sprouts
      • Father's Day
      • You're Not Bothering Me
      • It's Just Me
      • So Proud
      • Do You Know What Makes Me Nervous?
      • Grandpa Tom
      • 90s Party
      • An Uncomfortable Reality
    • ►May(12)
      • Full Time
      • Where Should We Begin?
      • Brave Through It
      • Peace Be With You
      • Pooping on the Potty
      • Why Do All the Damn Parents Die in Disney movies?
      • Mother's Day
      • Who Am I?
      • I Turned Out Okay
      • Our Forever House
      • I'm Not Sure How You Survive That
      • Riding Bikes
    • ►April(13)
      • My Flawed Husband
      • To Update the Account
      • I'm Not Grateful
      • Frozen
      • It Doesn't Matter
      • The Last Perfect Weekend
      • Keep Walking Past That Door
      • Press Fast-Forward
      • "You look hot, by the way"
      • My First Sleepover Birthday Party
      • It Can Always Get Worse
      • There's No Crying at the Swim-Up Bar
      • One King Bed
    • ►March(12)
      • Straight to Heaven
      • I Knew You Before
      • Why I Can't Call You Back
      • All Kinds of Therapy
      • First Day Back
      • It's Not "Better"
      • The Guitar Lesson Guy
      • Who's Saving Our Basement?
      • The Little Hand on My Back
      • There's Only One Option, and This Is It
      • My Eulogy of Shawn
      • “I’m at Trader Joe's, What Do You Need?”
    • ►February(3)
      • Costco and the Cemetery
      • Chuck E. Cheese and Jury Duty
      • My 39th Birthday...
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