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There’s No Handbook for How to Do This

Month: September 2018

  • New Perspectives

My Garden

Posted on September 26, 2018September 26, 2018by Marjorie
Garden at house of DC widow Marjorie Brimley

I’ve always loved my garden. I love the way I can plant a tiny seed or a miniature seedling and with just a little work, it can grow into a plant that towers above my children’s heads. When the kids were really little, Shawn spent a series of weekend days digging out and building vegetable […]

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11 Comments
  • Things That Suck

I Might As Well Get Cheaper Tires If My Husband Has to Be Dead

Posted on September 24, 2018September 23, 2018by Marjorie
Image of car tires to represent the flat time of DC widow Marjorie Brimley

I heard the hissing immediately. What the hell was happening? I hopped out of the car, and looked down. A woman walking her dog stopped. “It’s your tire,” she said. “It’s not good.” She wasn’t kidding. There was a 2-inch slit in my tire and it was completely flat. “Shit, shit, shit!” I said, staring […]

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10 Comments
  • New Perspectives

EMDR

Posted on September 21, 2018September 21, 2018by Marjorie
Redwood tree similar to that used in Marjorie Brimley's EMDR image in therapy after becoming a widow

I got together with one of my widow friends the other day (yes, that’s a thing) and we started talking about all of the crazy types of therapy we’ve both tried. Of course, we both have individual therapists (I’ve been through three) and group therapy (we’d each tried a few.) She told me about a […]

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7 Comments
  • Parenting

Claire’s Hero

Posted on September 19, 2018September 19, 2018by Marjorie
Claire writing about her mom, DC widow Marjorie Brimley, being her hero

At the start of fourth grade, Claire came home with an assignment to write about her hero. “I picked you!” she announced to me. She then spent much of the afternoon finding a photo that she liked of me and writing about why I was her hero. It was really sweet and touching. My kid […]

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9 Comments
  • Missing Shawn

Falling Trees

Posted on September 17, 2018September 18, 2018by Marjorie
DC widow Marjorie Brimley at her husband's gravesite

It was the first day of Sunday school yesterday, and my children happily went to their classrooms which meant I had 45 uninterrupted minutes to drink coffee and talk to other adults. I hadn’t been to church in a while and so the time passed quickly as I caught up with all my friends. Soon […]

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4 Comments
  • New Perspectives

Reckless

Posted on September 14, 2018September 14, 2018by Marjorie
Marjorie Brimley and her daughter running through a fountain in DC after Shawn's death

Last week, I was hanging out at school with one of the art teachers. He was asking about my summer, and I told him that I really hadn’t had much fun. “I just want to have FUN again, you know?” He nodded along in agreement, although I think it was fairly impossible for him to […]

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About Me

Marjorie and Shawn Color Portrait

I’m Marjorie Brimley, mother of three and high-school teacher in Washington, D.C., and this is the blog I never thought I’d have to write.

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  • Ask A Widow (13)
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  • Family & Friends (65)
  • Holidays (43)
  • Love and Chris (8)
  • Missing Shawn (53)
  • New Perspectives (75)
  • Parenting (55)
  • Things That Suck (72)
  • Tributes (11)
  • What Not to Say (23)
  • Work (11)

Archives

  • ►2021 (10)
    • ►January(10)
      • Death by Pork Butt
      • Holiday Cards (Part 2)
      • Accompany Me
      • The President We Need
      • Must Read This Week: Jamie Raskin
      • The Vaccine
      • Three Years
      • 2020 Vision Revisited
      • Now You Just Write Random Things
      • ...Hello, 2021 (Part 2 of 2)
  • ►2020 (152)
    • ►December(10)
      • 2020, It's Time to Go... (Part 1 of 2)
      • Kitchen Counter
      • Gingee
      • Promises
      • The Tree Sale
      • The Spot on the Bathroom Floor
      • Holiday Cards
      • He Makes the Coffee
      • Cold Pizza in the Back of the Mazda
      • Water and Fire
    • ►November(11)
      • Fierce Loyalty
      • Two Widows at the Orthodontist
      • Do You Know What's Hard?
      • It's Not All About the Last Day
      • Silence
      • Risk
      • The Exploding Whale
      • The Best Condolence Letter
      • His Kindness Will Echo
      • DC Widow Is Taking Today Off
      • Election Day 2020
    • ►October(13)
      • I'm Not a "Bike Widow"
      • Happy Birthday to My Mom
      • Letter to Shawn
      • Ask a Widow: Legacy (Part 2)
      • Ask a Widow: Legacy (Part 1)
      • The Price of Corn
      • Happy Birthday, Chris
      • That’s a Special Feeling
      • Make a Prediction (Part 2)
      • Four Years Ago
      • Want Less Judgmental Friends? Find Some Widows!
      • Make a Prediction
      • Hi, I'm Chris
    • ►September(13)
      • A Life That Sparkles (400th Blog Post)
      • The Danger of the Fast-Forward Button
      • I'm Not a Polygamist*
      • They Were So Little
      • Tell Me How To Do It (Tribute to Ruth Bader Ginsburg)
      • State of Exception
      • Room 9
      • Teachers, We Hear You
      • Relationship to Student
      • Austin's Hero
      • I Just Want to Know
      • The Room at the Hospital
      • Must Read This Week: Jesmyn Ward
    • ►August(13)
      • Family Resemblance
      • How Am I Actually Going to Do This?
      • Queen Anne's Lace
      • Ask a Widow: Could My Date Be a Father to My Kids?
      • What is Family?
      • What Kind of Beer Do I Like?
      • Cowboy Take Me Away
      • Letter to Myself: 1 Year (Part 3 of 3)
      • Letter to Myself: 6 Months (part 2 of 3)
      • Letter to Myself: 1 Month (part 1 of 3)
      • Why Widows Always Think About Death
      • Sometimes Bad Things Don't Happen
      • And Then I Am Crying
    • ►July(12)
      • Highs and Lows
      • Deserving It
      • You Can Do This. You Are Doing This.
      • Ask a Widow: How Do I Meet Other Young Widows?
      • It's Not Up To You
      • You're Not Really a Widow Anymore
      • The Earring
      • School and Single Parenting
      • What Does It Take to Date a Widow?
      • Safety
      • My Love Language
      • Who Would You Love More?
    • ►June(13)
      • Shawn's Birthday, Year 3
      • Ask a Widow: Dating is Hard When You Try to Predict the Future
      • How to Host a Crappy Zoom Call
      • Father's Day, Year 3
      • Tell Me About Him
      • You're Not Crazy. You're Grieving.
      • Put Your Dishes in the Dishwasher
      • "Making It"
      • I Miss My Dad
      • Congrats, Graduates of 2020
      • Three Grief Specialists to Follow Right Now
      • Two Widow Books You Should Read Right Now
      • My White Privilege
    • ►May(13)
      • Second, As In Again
      • 5th Grade Graduation
      • 3 am
      • How Does This Actually Work?
      • Ghosts in the Backyard
      • The 5 Friends a Widow Needs
      • How Widowed Parenting Prepared Me for Coronavirus Parenting
      • In My Driveway
      • Mother's Day, Year 3
      • Grandpa Tom's Jam
      • Teacher Appreciation
      • Hard Things Are Hard
      • My Nine-Year-Old Boy
    • ►April(13)
      • The Boy on the Bike
      • Being Alone is Scary
      • How (Not) to Date a Widow
      • Which Box Do I Check?
      • I'll Be Paying People Back for Carpool When I'm 80
      • The Bookshelf
      • Just in Case
      • I Can't Do This Anymore
      • I Wanna Dance With Somebody
      • Can I Take Out the Trash?
      • A Genuine Offer, Freely Given, With Gladness
      • Breaking Point
      • Ask a Widow: What If He's Not Shawn?
    • ►March(15)
      • Eleven
      • It's Not Something You Can Catch
      • Sore Throat
      • This Is Not a Referendum
      • Front Lines
      • Be Still. Listen.
      • Alone
      • Our Safe Space
      • 99%
      • My Babies Are Here With Me
      • Sometimes We Make Hard Choices When We Love Someone
      • An Imperfect Parent
      • Ask a Widow: What's So Hard With Online Dating?
      • I'm Still Alive!
      • Disaster Prep and the Coronavirus
    • ►February(12)
      • I Guess This Is What Healing Looks Like
      • The Happiest Place on Earth
      • 41
      • Out of the Corner of My Eye
      • Homework with Austin
      • Learning to Like Food...Again?
      • Valentine's Day, Year 3
      • Not Such a Guppy Anymore
      • Marjorie's Favorite Blog Posts (there are 300 now!)
      • My Name is Marjorie...
      • Table for Seven
      • That Super Bowl Google Ad
    • ►January(14)
      • Ask a Widow: How Do I Start to Date Again?
      • Emergency Contact
      • Musings on Heaven at Dinner
      • What About the Privilege?
      • Dear Insurance Company
      • Tough Love
      • 2020 Vision
      • Sometimes You Superglue It
      • Year of Yes Revisited
      • Remembering Shawn and The Tragically Hip
      • 2 Years Ago You Told Me This
      • Go on Vacation
      • Hey Married Lady! Here's What You Can Do To Support Your Single Friend
      • ...Hello 2020 (Part 2 of 2)
  • ►2019 (153)
    • ►December(13)
      • Goodbye, 2019... (Part 1 of 2)
      • Washing Dishes
      • Christmas Magic
      • Hallmark Christmas Movies
      • Ask a Widow: Navigating Friendships
      • You Are Alone. Accept That. Carry On. (Part 2)
      • Tommy's Christmas List
      • Excerpt from Marjorie's Speech, "Remembering Those We Love"
      • What Brought You to The Hospital Today?
      • Mysterious
      • I Keep Running
      • Speed Dating
      • The Warmth of Home
    • ►November(12)
      • My Body Knew
      • Ask a Widow: What to Do When You're a Widow and a Parent
      • My Widow Friend Abena
      • All Shawn Ever Wanted for Me
      • Just Marjorie and the Hash Run
      • Guilt
      • Ask a Widow: Yes, It's Okay to Want to Have Sex Again
      • Kindness
      • In a Hurry
      • Ask a Widow
      • Old and Young, At the Same Time
      • Trigger Warning
    • ►October(13)
      • The Avengers
      • Talking Football at the Kitchen Island
      • Grant Showed Us the Way
      • My Cross to Bear
      • In An Instant
      • And the Air Will Buzz Again
      • In the Middle
      • "If I Die, Please Get Remarried"
      • What's the Worst Thing That Can Happen?
      • October 10th
      • Marjorie's Favorite Grief Books
      • At First Glance
      • Grandpa Tom's Exercise Routine
    • ►September(13)
      • Zombies, Run
      • Lemonade
      • I Followed the Rules
      • When 5-Year-Olds Talk About Death
      • Costco, the Cemetery, and My Dad
      • I'm Not Getting a Dog
      • Ministry of Presence
      • So Close. And Yet So Far Away.
      • September 11, 2001
      • Grandpa Tom Returns
      • Do It When It Doesn't Make You Want To Throw Up
      • Home Base
      • From Standing to Dancing
    • ►August(13)
      • Do This, Because You Are Her Friend
      • Another Year Without My Mom
      • What My Kids Need At School This Year
      • The Man at the Gas Station
      • Flatwood Willie
      • Pistachio Nuts, Epipens and Friends
      • The Bear
      • Grilling
      • Kids That Could Be My Own
      • Can't You Just...?
      • "My Dad Died in the War"
      • Nights at the Kitchen Counter
      • Wisps of a Dream
    • ►July(14)
      • I Am Someone New, Too
      • What Austin Brought to Camp
      • Questions
      • Our Bathroom
      • What I'm Scared Of
      • Heavenly Love
      • Where’s Your Husband?
      • "Are You Going To Die?”
      • The Look of Real Love
      • The View in Portofino
      • Lost
      • Swimming in the Mediterranean Sea
      • Our 15th Wedding Anniversary
      • Shawn's Birthday, Year 2
    • ►June(12)
      • Sundance or Sunscreen?
      • Happiness Is For Other People
      • Team Brimley
      • Brave or Stupid
      • My 200th Blog Post
      • Father's Day, Year 2
      • The Last Day of School
      • Not a Shitty Husband
      • Marjorie's Graduation Speech
      • Soulmates and Other Things I Don't Believe In
      • Sick Day
      • The Day the Car Didn't Start
    • ►May(14)
      • Waiting for the Future
      • The Girl at the Coffee Shop
      • How Did You Cope?
      • The Oklahoma Clarks
      • Unaffected
      • Asparagus Cures Cancer
      • Tommy's Bike Ride
      • "It Hurt for Me"
      • Mother's Day, Year 2
      • One of the Most Important Things a School Can Do
      • The Worst Book I've Read in a Long Time
      • Zoe Keating's Concert
      • How My Son Found Family Across the Alley
      • The Talent Show
    • ►April(13)
      • The Little Things
      • The Clark Family
      • Heroic Work
      • Reflections at Your Grave on Easter Weekend
      • What (Not) to Say in Crisis
      • Sometimes There's a Little Vomit
      • The Closet
      • Rainbow Chicken
      • First Rental Car
      • New York, New York
      • Happy Now
      • Walk to the End of the Driveway
      • Colon Cancer Run
    • ►March(13)
      • "It's Okay, You Can Do It!"
      • Angry
      • You Are Alone. Accept That. Carry On.
      • Freak-Out Letter #6
      • He Pushed the Button
      • 24 Hours
      • It Might Not Happen For Me
      • Fleetwood Mac
      • Backsliding Into Grief
      • Running to the Door
      • Claire's New Email Address
      • I Am Doing Today
      • The Fans in the Stands
    • ►February(11)
      • Who Has a Better Life Than Us?
      • 40
      • Tommy's Birthday
      • Our Trip to the Waterpark
      • The Ensemble
      • Valentines Day
      • After a Year
      • Last Night
      • The Ring
      • Thestrals
      • Lullaby
    • ►January(12)
      • Careful
      • The Letter
      • Young Love
      • The Spelling Bee
      • Family
      • Across the Doctor's Office
      • Year of Yes
      • "I Want Daddy to Come Back"
      • When He Was Still Mine
      • In the Movie Version of My Life
      • "I Think He's Dying"
      • ….Hello 2019 (Part 2 of 2)
  • ►2018 (129)
    • ►December(13)
      • Good Riddance 2018…. (Part 1 of 2)
      • Home
      • Sweet Potato Fries
      • Christmas Eve
      • Just Because Your Husband Dies, You Don't Necessarily Get the Job
      • Salsa in my Cup
      • Decorating for Christmas
      • Santa Shawn
      • Lockdown
      • Shawn's Cancer Humor
      • Zombie Apocalypse
      • Strong
      • Stories for My Daughter
    • ►November(12)
      • One Year Later
      • Joy!
      • Watching “Widows”
      • Thanksgiving
      • More
      • Report Cards
      • Bill Brimley's Speech at CNAS in Honor of His Son, Shawn
      • Smash the Patriarchy
      • Field Trips, Open Houses and Other Events I Can't Attend Anymore
      • Shawn's Wife
      • What Would Shawn Do? (Election Day 2018)
      • Why I Might Have to Stop Reading "Mommy Blogs"
    • ►October(13)
      • Dad Is Not a Zombie
      • CNAS Tribute to Shawn (Part 2)
      • Guns and Cancer
      • Life advice from the aesthetician
      • It's Easy to Judge (100th Blog Post)
      • "Holistic Medicine" and Other Words I Never Used to Like
      • Austin and the Kittens
      • "Go To the Hospital"
      • Not My Domain
      • The Joshua Tree
      • Sorry For Your Loss: A Review
      • A Brutal Few Weeks
      • The Feminist in Our House
    • ►September(11)
      • My Garden
      • I Might As Well Get Cheaper Tires If My Husband Has to Be Dead
      • EMDR
      • Claire's Hero
      • Falling Trees
      • Reckless
      • Parent 2
      • We All Hurt
      • No Ma'am
      • The First Day of School, Part 2
      • Remembering Shawn as He Really Was
    • ►August(14)
      • Michele Flournoy's Eulogy of Shawn
      • Family photos
      • 20 Years
      • Talking to My Kids About Death, Again
      • Promises I Can’t Keep
      • The First Day of School
      • I Want to Die Right Now Because at Least Then I Wouldn’t Have to Carry Anyone Home After They Throw Up from Eating Too Much Ice Cream
      • Running With Anger
      • The Marine
      • A Beautiful Day
      • That Poor Girl
      • The Power of the Word "Widow"
      • Dear Girl on the Phone from UCLA
      • Weekend Shawn
    • ►July(13)
      • The Treadmill
      • Who's Saving Our Basement? (Part 2)
      • Reading with Claire
      • Why Being a Widowed Single Mom is So Hard
      • Single
      • Nana
      • The Scar
      • A Review of "A Widow's Guide to Healing"
      • Run Away
      • 6 Months
      • Go, Go, Go
      • An Anniversary of Sorts
      • What If the Plane Crashes?
    • ►June(13)
      • Shawn's Birthday, Part 2
      • Shawn's Birthday
      • 5 Stars
      • CNAS Tribute to Shawn
      • Brussels Sprouts
      • Father's Day
      • You're Not Bothering Me
      • It's Just Me
      • So Proud
      • Do You Know What Makes Me Nervous?
      • Grandpa Tom
      • 90s Party
      • An Uncomfortable Reality
    • ►May(12)
      • Full Time
      • Where Should We Begin?
      • Brave Through It
      • Peace Be With You
      • Pooping on the Potty
      • Why Do All the Damn Parents Die in Disney movies?
      • Mother's Day
      • Who Am I?
      • I Turned Out Okay
      • Our Forever House
      • I'm Not Sure How You Survive That
      • Riding Bikes
    • ►April(13)
      • My Flawed Husband
      • To Update the Account
      • I'm Not Grateful
      • Frozen
      • It Doesn't Matter
      • The Last Perfect Weekend
      • Keep Walking Past That Door
      • Press Fast-Forward
      • "You look hot, by the way"
      • My First Sleepover Birthday Party
      • It Can Always Get Worse
      • There's No Crying at the Swim-Up Bar
      • One King Bed
    • ►March(12)
      • Straight to Heaven
      • I Knew You Before
      • Why I Can't Call You Back
      • All Kinds of Therapy
      • First Day Back
      • It's Not "Better"
      • The Guitar Lesson Guy
      • Who's Saving Our Basement?
      • The Little Hand on My Back
      • There's Only One Option, and This Is It
      • My Eulogy of Shawn
      • “I’m at Trader Joe's, What Do You Need?”
    • ►February(3)
      • Costco and the Cemetery
      • Chuck E. Cheese and Jury Duty
      • My 39th Birthday...
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