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There’s No Handbook for How to Do This

Month: April 2020

  • Family & Friends

The Boy on the Bike

Posted on April 29, 2020April 26, 2020by Marjorie
Black and white photo of parents of DC widow blog writer Marjorie Brimley

I want to tell you a love story. A boy meets a girl. They are out on a double-date, but not with each other. Still, the attraction is there, so they ditch their original dates and decide to go out a few times with one another after that. But the girl has an on-again, off-again […]

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7 Comments
  • Dating

Being Alone is Scary

Posted on April 27, 2020April 27, 2020by Marjorie
DC widow blog writer Marjorie Brimley walks away from the camera with son Tommy

One night in early February, as the wind whipped the trees so hard that they seemed to bend sideways, I laid in bed and tried to warm up my freezing toes. Life finally had a rhythm to it, and I was getting used to year three of widowhood. I thought about Valentine’s Day, and how […]

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17 Comments
  • Dating

How (Not) to Date a Widow

Posted on April 24, 2020April 24, 2020by Marjorie
Two people hold hands like DC widow blog writer Marjorie Brimley

A few months ago, I was texting with a friend of mine, who is widowed. He has had a couple of relationships since his wife died, and the two of us sometimes talk about the crazy world of dating. It’s been a mystery to both of us, really, but it’s been nice for me to […]

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3 Comments
  • Things That Suck

Which Box Do I Check?

Posted on April 22, 2020April 22, 2020by Marjorie
DC widow blog writer Marjorie Brimley with form

Because this is a blog about my life and because I have very little shame, I’m going to let you in on a secret: I recently had laser hair removal.  I won’t go into too many details, because it’s not relevant to this blog post, but suffice to say, it’s something I did this past […]

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11 Comments
  • Family & Friends

I’ll Be Paying People Back for Carpool When I’m 80

Posted on April 20, 2020April 20, 2020by Marjorie
DC widow blog writer Marjorie Brimley with son Tommy looks away from camera

I was at a party a few months ago, and someone asked me how I was doing. I told her that I was okay, managing life day-by-day, and learning how to ask for a lot of help. “The thing about asking for help,” I said, “is that I have to ask people to do things […]

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13 Comments
  • Missing Shawn

The Bookshelf

Posted on April 17, 2020April 17, 2020by Marjorie

I stood there staring at the bookshelf for a long time before I started. I’m not quite sure why. The bookshelf stood in an infrequently used part of the basement, next to the printer and the filing cabinet and bins of old magna-tiles. I could delay organizing it because I didn’t need access to it […]

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About Me

Marjorie and Shawn Color Portrait

I’m Marjorie Brimley, mother of three and high-school teacher in Washington, D.C., and this is the blog I never thought I’d have to write.

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  • Ask A Widow (13)
  • Dating (16)
  • Family & Friends (65)
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  • Missing Shawn (53)
  • New Perspectives (75)
  • Parenting (55)
  • Things That Suck (71)
  • Tributes (10)
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Archives

  • ►2021 (6)
    • ►January(6)
      • Must Read This Week: Jamie Raskin
      • The Vaccine
      • Three Years
      • 2020 Vision Revisited
      • Now You Just Write Random Things
      • ...Hello, 2021 (Part 2 of 2)
  • ►2020 (152)
    • ►December(10)
      • 2020, It's Time to Go... (Part 1 of 2)
      • Kitchen Counter
      • Gingee
      • Promises
      • The Tree Sale
      • The Spot on the Bathroom Floor
      • Holiday Cards
      • He Makes the Coffee
      • Cold Pizza in the Back of the Mazda
      • Water and Fire
    • ►November(11)
      • Fierce Loyalty
      • Two Widows at the Orthodontist
      • Do You Know What's Hard?
      • It's Not All About the Last Day
      • Silence
      • Risk
      • The Exploding Whale
      • The Best Condolence Letter
      • His Kindness Will Echo
      • DC Widow Is Taking Today Off
      • Election Day 2020
    • ►October(13)
      • I'm Not a "Bike Widow"
      • Happy Birthday to My Mom
      • Letter to Shawn
      • Ask a Widow: Legacy (Part 2)
      • Ask a Widow: Legacy (Part 1)
      • The Price of Corn
      • Happy Birthday, Chris
      • That’s a Special Feeling
      • Make a Prediction (Part 2)
      • Four Years Ago
      • Want Less Judgmental Friends? Find Some Widows!
      • Make a Prediction
      • Hi, I'm Chris
    • ►September(13)
      • A Life That Sparkles (400th Blog Post)
      • The Danger of the Fast-Forward Button
      • I'm Not a Polygamist*
      • They Were So Little
      • Tell Me How To Do It (Tribute to Ruth Bader Ginsburg)
      • State of Exception
      • Room 9
      • Teachers, We Hear You
      • Relationship to Student
      • Austin's Hero
      • I Just Want to Know
      • The Room at the Hospital
      • Must Read This Week: Jesmyn Ward
    • ►August(13)
      • Family Resemblance
      • How Am I Actually Going to Do This?
      • Queen Anne's Lace
      • Ask a Widow: Could My Date Be a Father to My Kids?
      • What is Family?
      • What Kind of Beer Do I Like?
      • Cowboy Take Me Away
      • Letter to Myself: 1 Year (Part 3 of 3)
      • Letter to Myself: 6 Months (part 2 of 3)
      • Letter to Myself: 1 Month (part 1 of 3)
      • Why Widows Always Think About Death
      • Sometimes Bad Things Don't Happen
      • And Then I Am Crying
    • ►July(12)
      • Highs and Lows
      • Deserving It
      • You Can Do This. You Are Doing This.
      • Ask a Widow: How Do I Meet Other Young Widows?
      • It's Not Up To You
      • You're Not Really a Widow Anymore
      • The Earring
      • School and Single Parenting
      • What Does It Take to Date a Widow?
      • Safety
      • My Love Language
      • Who Would You Love More?
    • ►June(13)
      • Shawn's Birthday, Year 3
      • Ask a Widow: Dating is Hard When You Try to Predict the Future
      • How to Host a Crappy Zoom Call
      • Father's Day, Year 3
      • Tell Me About Him
      • You're Not Crazy. You're Grieving.
      • Put Your Dishes in the Dishwasher
      • "Making It"
      • I Miss My Dad
      • Congrats, Graduates of 2020
      • Three Grief Specialists to Follow Right Now
      • Two Widow Books You Should Read Right Now
      • My White Privilege
    • ►May(13)
      • Second, As In Again
      • 5th Grade Graduation
      • 3 am
      • How Does This Actually Work?
      • Ghosts in the Backyard
      • The 5 Friends a Widow Needs
      • How Widowed Parenting Prepared Me for Coronavirus Parenting
      • In My Driveway
      • Mother's Day, Year 3
      • Grandpa Tom's Jam
      • Teacher Appreciation
      • Hard Things Are Hard
      • My Nine-Year-Old Boy
    • ►April(13)
      • The Boy on the Bike
      • Being Alone is Scary
      • How (Not) to Date a Widow
      • Which Box Do I Check?
      • I'll Be Paying People Back for Carpool When I'm 80
      • The Bookshelf
      • Just in Case
      • I Can't Do This Anymore
      • I Wanna Dance With Somebody
      • Can I Take Out the Trash?
      • A Genuine Offer, Freely Given, With Gladness
      • Breaking Point
      • Ask a Widow: What If He's Not Shawn?
    • ►March(15)
      • Eleven
      • It's Not Something You Can Catch
      • Sore Throat
      • This Is Not a Referendum
      • Front Lines
      • Be Still. Listen.
      • Alone
      • Our Safe Space
      • 99%
      • My Babies Are Here With Me
      • Sometimes We Make Hard Choices When We Love Someone
      • An Imperfect Parent
      • Ask a Widow: What's So Hard With Online Dating?
      • I'm Still Alive!
      • Disaster Prep and the Coronavirus
    • ►February(12)
      • I Guess This Is What Healing Looks Like
      • The Happiest Place on Earth
      • 41
      • Out of the Corner of My Eye
      • Homework with Austin
      • Learning to Like Food...Again?
      • Valentine's Day, Year 3
      • Not Such a Guppy Anymore
      • Marjorie's Favorite Blog Posts (there are 300 now!)
      • My Name is Marjorie...
      • Table for Seven
      • That Super Bowl Google Ad
    • ►January(14)
      • Ask a Widow: How Do I Start to Date Again?
      • Emergency Contact
      • Musings on Heaven at Dinner
      • What About the Privilege?
      • Dear Insurance Company
      • Tough Love
      • 2020 Vision
      • Sometimes You Superglue It
      • Year of Yes Revisited
      • Remembering Shawn and The Tragically Hip
      • 2 Years Ago You Told Me This
      • Go on Vacation
      • Hey Married Lady! Here's What You Can Do To Support Your Single Friend
      • ...Hello 2020 (Part 2 of 2)
  • ►2019 (153)
    • ►December(13)
      • Goodbye, 2019... (Part 1 of 2)
      • Washing Dishes
      • Christmas Magic
      • Hallmark Christmas Movies
      • Ask a Widow: Navigating Friendships
      • You Are Alone. Accept That. Carry On. (Part 2)
      • Tommy's Christmas List
      • Excerpt from Marjorie's Speech, "Remembering Those We Love"
      • What Brought You to The Hospital Today?
      • Mysterious
      • I Keep Running
      • Speed Dating
      • The Warmth of Home
    • ►November(12)
      • My Body Knew
      • Ask a Widow: What to Do When You're a Widow and a Parent
      • My Widow Friend Abena
      • All Shawn Ever Wanted for Me
      • Just Marjorie and the Hash Run
      • Guilt
      • Ask a Widow: Yes, It's Okay to Want to Have Sex Again
      • Kindness
      • In a Hurry
      • Ask a Widow
      • Old and Young, At the Same Time
      • Trigger Warning
    • ►October(13)
      • The Avengers
      • Talking Football at the Kitchen Island
      • Grant Showed Us the Way
      • My Cross to Bear
      • In An Instant
      • And the Air Will Buzz Again
      • In the Middle
      • "If I Die, Please Get Remarried"
      • What's the Worst Thing That Can Happen?
      • October 10th
      • Marjorie's Favorite Grief Books
      • At First Glance
      • Grandpa Tom's Exercise Routine
    • ►September(13)
      • Zombies, Run
      • Lemonade
      • I Followed the Rules
      • When 5-Year-Olds Talk About Death
      • Costco, the Cemetery, and My Dad
      • I'm Not Getting a Dog
      • Ministry of Presence
      • So Close. And Yet So Far Away.
      • September 11, 2001
      • Grandpa Tom Returns
      • Do It When It Doesn't Make You Want To Throw Up
      • Home Base
      • From Standing to Dancing
    • ►August(13)
      • Do This, Because You Are Her Friend
      • Another Year Without My Mom
      • What My Kids Need At School This Year
      • The Man at the Gas Station
      • Flatwood Willie
      • Pistachio Nuts, Epipens and Friends
      • The Bear
      • Grilling
      • Kids That Could Be My Own
      • Can't You Just...?
      • "My Dad Died in the War"
      • Nights at the Kitchen Counter
      • Wisps of a Dream
    • ►July(14)
      • I Am Someone New, Too
      • What Austin Brought to Camp
      • Questions
      • Our Bathroom
      • What I'm Scared Of
      • Heavenly Love
      • Where’s Your Husband?
      • "Are You Going To Die?”
      • The Look of Real Love
      • The View in Portofino
      • Lost
      • Swimming in the Mediterranean Sea
      • Our 15th Wedding Anniversary
      • Shawn's Birthday, Year 2
    • ►June(12)
      • Sundance or Sunscreen?
      • Happiness Is For Other People
      • Team Brimley
      • Brave or Stupid
      • My 200th Blog Post
      • Father's Day, Year 2
      • The Last Day of School
      • Not a Shitty Husband
      • Marjorie's Graduation Speech
      • Soulmates and Other Things I Don't Believe In
      • Sick Day
      • The Day the Car Didn't Start
    • ►May(14)
      • Waiting for the Future
      • The Girl at the Coffee Shop
      • How Did You Cope?
      • The Oklahoma Clarks
      • Unaffected
      • Asparagus Cures Cancer
      • Tommy's Bike Ride
      • "It Hurt for Me"
      • Mother's Day, Year 2
      • One of the Most Important Things a School Can Do
      • The Worst Book I've Read in a Long Time
      • Zoe Keating's Concert
      • How My Son Found Family Across the Alley
      • The Talent Show
    • ►April(13)
      • The Little Things
      • The Clark Family
      • Heroic Work
      • Reflections at Your Grave on Easter Weekend
      • What (Not) to Say in Crisis
      • Sometimes There's a Little Vomit
      • The Closet
      • Rainbow Chicken
      • First Rental Car
      • New York, New York
      • Happy Now
      • Walk to the End of the Driveway
      • Colon Cancer Run
    • ►March(13)
      • "It's Okay, You Can Do It!"
      • Angry
      • You Are Alone. Accept That. Carry On.
      • Freak-Out Letter #6
      • He Pushed the Button
      • 24 Hours
      • It Might Not Happen For Me
      • Fleetwood Mac
      • Backsliding Into Grief
      • Running to the Door
      • Claire's New Email Address
      • I Am Doing Today
      • The Fans in the Stands
    • ►February(11)
      • Who Has a Better Life Than Us?
      • 40
      • Tommy's Birthday
      • Our Trip to the Waterpark
      • The Ensemble
      • Valentines Day
      • After a Year
      • Last Night
      • The Ring
      • Thestrals
      • Lullaby
    • ►January(12)
      • Careful
      • The Letter
      • Young Love
      • The Spelling Bee
      • Family
      • Across the Doctor's Office
      • Year of Yes
      • "I Want Daddy to Come Back"
      • When He Was Still Mine
      • In the Movie Version of My Life
      • "I Think He's Dying"
      • ….Hello 2019 (Part 2 of 2)
  • ►2018 (129)
    • ►December(13)
      • Good Riddance 2018…. (Part 1 of 2)
      • Home
      • Sweet Potato Fries
      • Christmas Eve
      • Just Because Your Husband Dies, You Don't Necessarily Get the Job
      • Salsa in my Cup
      • Decorating for Christmas
      • Santa Shawn
      • Lockdown
      • Shawn's Cancer Humor
      • Zombie Apocalypse
      • Strong
      • Stories for My Daughter
    • ►November(12)
      • One Year Later
      • Joy!
      • Watching “Widows”
      • Thanksgiving
      • More
      • Report Cards
      • Bill Brimley's Speech at CNAS in Honor of His Son, Shawn
      • Smash the Patriarchy
      • Field Trips, Open Houses and Other Events I Can't Attend Anymore
      • Shawn's Wife
      • What Would Shawn Do? (Election Day 2018)
      • Why I Might Have to Stop Reading "Mommy Blogs"
    • ►October(13)
      • Dad Is Not a Zombie
      • CNAS Tribute to Shawn (Part 2)
      • Guns and Cancer
      • Life advice from the aesthetician
      • It's Easy to Judge (100th Blog Post)
      • "Holistic Medicine" and Other Words I Never Used to Like
      • Austin and the Kittens
      • "Go To the Hospital"
      • Not My Domain
      • The Joshua Tree
      • Sorry For Your Loss: A Review
      • A Brutal Few Weeks
      • The Feminist in Our House
    • ►September(11)
      • My Garden
      • I Might As Well Get Cheaper Tires If My Husband Has to Be Dead
      • EMDR
      • Claire's Hero
      • Falling Trees
      • Reckless
      • Parent 2
      • We All Hurt
      • No Ma'am
      • The First Day of School, Part 2
      • Remembering Shawn as He Really Was
    • ►August(14)
      • Michele Flournoy's Eulogy of Shawn
      • Family photos
      • 20 Years
      • Talking to My Kids About Death, Again
      • Promises I Can’t Keep
      • The First Day of School
      • I Want to Die Right Now Because at Least Then I Wouldn’t Have to Carry Anyone Home After They Throw Up from Eating Too Much Ice Cream
      • Running With Anger
      • The Marine
      • A Beautiful Day
      • That Poor Girl
      • The Power of the Word "Widow"
      • Dear Girl on the Phone from UCLA
      • Weekend Shawn
    • ►July(13)
      • The Treadmill
      • Who's Saving Our Basement? (Part 2)
      • Reading with Claire
      • Why Being a Widowed Single Mom is So Hard
      • Single
      • Nana
      • The Scar
      • A Review of "A Widow's Guide to Healing"
      • Run Away
      • 6 Months
      • Go, Go, Go
      • An Anniversary of Sorts
      • What If the Plane Crashes?
    • ►June(13)
      • Shawn's Birthday, Part 2
      • Shawn's Birthday
      • 5 Stars
      • CNAS Tribute to Shawn
      • Brussels Sprouts
      • Father's Day
      • You're Not Bothering Me
      • It's Just Me
      • So Proud
      • Do You Know What Makes Me Nervous?
      • Grandpa Tom
      • 90s Party
      • An Uncomfortable Reality
    • ►May(12)
      • Full Time
      • Where Should We Begin?
      • Brave Through It
      • Peace Be With You
      • Pooping on the Potty
      • Why Do All the Damn Parents Die in Disney movies?
      • Mother's Day
      • Who Am I?
      • I Turned Out Okay
      • Our Forever House
      • I'm Not Sure How You Survive That
      • Riding Bikes
    • ►April(13)
      • My Flawed Husband
      • To Update the Account
      • I'm Not Grateful
      • Frozen
      • It Doesn't Matter
      • The Last Perfect Weekend
      • Keep Walking Past That Door
      • Press Fast-Forward
      • "You look hot, by the way"
      • My First Sleepover Birthday Party
      • It Can Always Get Worse
      • There's No Crying at the Swim-Up Bar
      • One King Bed
    • ►March(12)
      • Straight to Heaven
      • I Knew You Before
      • Why I Can't Call You Back
      • All Kinds of Therapy
      • First Day Back
      • It's Not "Better"
      • The Guitar Lesson Guy
      • Who's Saving Our Basement?
      • The Little Hand on My Back
      • There's Only One Option, and This Is It
      • My Eulogy of Shawn
      • “I’m at Trader Joe's, What Do You Need?”
    • ►February(3)
      • Costco and the Cemetery
      • Chuck E. Cheese and Jury Duty
      • My 39th Birthday...
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