-
Widowhood and Breakups
I’ve been thinking a lot about breakups lately, which I guess is super strange since I’m also wedding planning. Let me be clear – I’m not thinking about my own relationship breaking up! But I think being in love (and knowing that I have a future with someone new) has made me reflect on all the times when it didn’t work out. And there were a lot of times when it didn’t work out. I wrote very little about it at the time. I told some of my friends that I was dating, but I was shy about it with most people. I felt judged by everyone, even though the…
-
Widowhood, Dating and a Global Pandemic
Okay, let’s start with the obvious: if you’re a widow and you’re trying to date right now, it is….well, it’s probably not as easy as it was for you the last time you tried to date. I mean, first – and most obviously to anyone who is single, widow or not – there’s the pandemic. It’s pretty tough to just randomly meet someone in a bar or at a coffeeshop anymore. That’s something I used to love to do, once upon a time. I think it helped with the mental fatigue of dating, honestly. Even if I didn’t actually talk to someone I found attractive, seeing other potentially single people…
-
Why Heat the House When I Can Wear a Hat?
It’s been almost a year since I last hugged my dad. I know I’m not special in this regard. I know that so many people have lost so much more. I feel lucky that my dad loves to talk on the phone and FaceTime with his grandkids. I am relieved that he is safe in rural Oregon, away from the germs of my children and the crowds of the big city and the Covid spikes that have happened around the country. I am glad that he doesn’t mind solitude. I usually call him as I’m making dinner. It’s one of my favorite times of day now. It’s funny – I…
-
I Am From
A few weeks ago, Austin came downstairs and wanted my help editing a poem he wrote. “It’s for school,” he said. Their class had read the poem “Where I’m From” by George Ella Lyon and he was supposed to write his story – the story of his life – in a similar style. The kids were all working on a shared document, so we could see what his classmates had written. As you may imagine, there was a lot of discussion of favorite sports and playing with siblings and other fourth grade interests. On the first line, Austin had written a bit about being from “mom and dad,” but he…
-
Guilt (Part 2)
The notes from my widowed readers came in pieces over the past few months, but together, they read something like this: I am so happy that you have found your second love, Chris. You seem really happy! I also recently found someone new, and for the first time in a long time, I feel alive again. But here’s my question: does this feeling (of being alive and in love) make you also feel guilty? I have a simple answer for that: no. (But also, I do still feel guilt sometimes.) I guess this needs some explanation. In fact, I’ve been thinking about guilt a lot lately. So much of 2018…
There’s No Handbook for How to Do This
