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Acts of God?
A few weeks ago, my friend Kumar asked me to speak to a group of ministers training to do a special type of work in hospitals and prisons. Kumar is a pastor who I met years ago, and someone with whom I’ve done a variety of events. We talk a lot about grief. But we also talk a lot about life, since grief is a part of it. He wanted me to talk about what I needed when Shawn was hospitalized, and then what I needed after he died. Initially, I thought about all of the logistics – the carpool rides for the kids and the grocery runs and the…
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Ask a Widow: Yes, It’s Okay to Want to Have Sex Again (Part 2)
Warning: This is a blog post about sex. And not just that – it’s a blog post about widows wanting to have sex again! Imagine that. A widow who actually wants to have sex. I mean, it was once one of the most taboo things ever. But we’ve moved past that point as a society, haven’t we? Right? I’d say, “of course” except that my most-read and most-commented-on blog post of all time is “Ask a Widow: Yes, It’s Okay to Want to Have Sex Again.” Want to know how many people read that post in just the last year? Over 20,000 – a number that far dwarfs any other…
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Ask a Widow: Why Does It Feel Like Cheating If He’s Dead?
It took six months after Shawn died before I took off my wedding ring. I did it on a short trip, unceremoniously, as I sat in a hotel room by myself. Shortly thereafter, I met a man at the hotel’s pool, one who made me laugh and made me feel something I hadn’t felt in a very long time. And yes, before you ask, it didn’t end there. He came back to my hotel room, and I let him in. And yet, before it could get too far, it struck me that I had a stranger in a hotel room with me. I’m not cheating, I said to myself, but…
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Ask a Widow: How Do Your Kids Think About Their (Dead) Dad When They Have a (New, Alive) Dad?
Clearly, this blog post has a lot of complicating factors because it took twenty minutes to come up with the title, and it’s still pretty garbled. It could also be about how kids think about their moms, or any other set of parents, of course, but for this post I’m using my own example of two dads. Hopefully readers can follow my thoughts, even though at this point – 3 sentences in – I’ve almost lost my train of thought! Okay, here we go… Lately, some of my widow friends (both in person and online) have started to date and a few have met someone new. That’s great, right? Yes….and…
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Ask a Widow: What to Say to a New Widow
Right after Shawn died, a colleague of his contacted me. He wanted to express his condolences, but also let me know that his wife was available to talk to me, if I wanted. She had been widowed before they met, and though it had been years, she might be able to help me. He was right. Though we only spoke once – maybe two weeks after Shawn died – she helped me see that people can recover from loss. She didn’t tell me how to grieve or how to heal, but she showed me a path forward, even though I don’t think she knew that she was doing that. So…
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Resources from DC Widow
When I started DC Widow, I did it for a number of reasons, but one of the main drivers was that I couldn’t find anything on the internet that spoke to me as a young widow. Most of the resources I initially saw were either faith-based for devout Christians or ones focused on much older people. Where were the resources for someone like me? They existed, but it took a long time to find them. In fact, I’m still in the process of looking for more. That said, I thought it was time that there was a resource tab on my blog, because so many people have reached out in…
There’s No Handbook for How to Do This
