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The Spot on the Bathroom Floor
I’m writing this post from my bathroom floor. There’s a spot that’s empty next to the wall. I always thought I’d put a bench there, but somehow, I never did. Instead, it’s just a random spot of floor, perfect for curling up into a ball. I guess it’s pretty obvious that curling up on the bathroom floor hasn’t just been a hypothetical idea for me. On the contrary. This is my spot. How many nights did I sit here, arms wrapped around my knees and cry? God, it must’ve been at least six months. I knew that my kids and my dad were less likely to hear me if I…
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DC Widow Is Taking Today Off
Just a note to say that DC Widow is taking the day off today. I decided to come up with a list of all of the reasons why I needed to take today off, and here is what I have: Um, first, the election. Obviously. I felt as though I was going to have a panic attack a dozen times over the past two days and I could barely watch the returns come in last night. I never drink too much, but I needed that third gin and tonic. I stayed up way too late and let my kids do the same and now I’m so sleep deprived….. ….and speaking…
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The Danger of the Fast-Forward Button
About two and a half years ago, as I sat with the early grief of losing Shawn, I wrote a blog post called “Press Fast-Forward.” In it, I talked about how I wished I could just fast-forward my life to a better place. Here’s a bit of what I wrote: My ability to hold other people’s pain and frustration is significantly less than it once was. I want to feel for other people, but I just can’t. I guess this is because I can barely hold my own emotions throughout the day. Grief has made me into a more selfish person – a person who is more likely to reach…
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State of Exception
I was talking to a friend the other day about our lives, and the changes that have come with the start of the school year. We both admitted that the past few weeks have seemed harder than expected. We recognized that things could be far worse – we both had our health and our kids and our jobs. But something seems to have shifted as the autumn approaches. It’s hard to put my finger on, exactly, but I think it’s this realization: This is just my life now, isn’t it? Sure, maybe we will get it together as a country and manage to combat the coronavirus in the next few…
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Room 9
Tommy’s clothes were covered in blood when I saw him. He’d been playing football with the big kids and had finally gotten the ball. Excited by this thrilling turn of events, he took off…and collided with the iron fence. The cut on his head was deep. He needed to go to the ER. Chris volunteered to go, but the health insurance for Tommy comes from me. As we’ve already discovered, just because the kids and I think of Chris as a parent doesn’t mean he legally has those advantages at this point. I needed to take Tommy. Chris would stay behind with the big kids, both of whom were pretty…
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I Just Want to Know
I have a lot of memories from 2018 when I was sitting in my kitchen talking to my friends Becky and Michelle. Of course, I have a lot of terrible memories from that spring, when all I did was cry, but I also have a lot of memories from later in the year when I felt more varied emotions and we laughed a lot more frequently. (As a side note, I’d like to reiterate one thing that I’ve said before – my relationship with my friends was pretty one-sided during that time period. They got me through that terrible year by doing a lot of listening and other support.) Anyway,…
There’s No Handbook for How to Do This
