-
What If He Dies? (Part 2)
Well. There’s nothing like writing a post about my fear of Chris’s death to cause a lot of mail to arrive in my inbox. Some of these messages were public. But a lot of them were private, as sometimes happens with really intense posts I write. “I feel that way too,” said one reader after another. “I worry about my new partner dying.” “I know,” I’d write back. “It’s just something widows feel, I think. We know death is real. And even though we’ve faced it, it still scares us.” A few days after I wrote the post, I was talking to Chris in the kitchen after dinner. We picked…
-
You’ll Survive
When I was a kid and I’d fall and scrape my knee or get the stomach flu, my parents would comfort me, because that’s what parents do. But they had different approaches to this. My mother was a very gentle person, someone who worried a lot about my sister and me, and she would gingerly pat my cut dry or give me a cool washcloth. I have such embodied memories of her touch, especially when I was sick, and how it felt to have her sit next to me and comb her fingers through my hair. Every time, it soothed me. My father was not like this. As any child…
-
Guess Random Numbers
Every night at dinner, we do highs and lows. Last week, Tommy had a big low, and we all talked about it. That day, he had a math assessment. He’s in first grade, so this assessment didn’t seem too difficult. He just had to do basic subtraction. But he struggled, and we could hear him sigh – and then cry – from the dining room table where he does virtual school. We texted his teacher about it, and she was kind and loving and gave us some strategies to help him. We tried to encourage him and he finally finished and felt relatively accomplished. We were glad he persevered through…
-
In An Instant
Sometimes, who you are can change in an instant. “I do.” You’re a wife. “It’s a girl!” You’re a mother. “He’s gone.” You’re a widow. When these changes happen, the world often knows immediately. There’s not always a lot of training about how to be a wife or a mother or a widow before you actually become one, so the transition isn’t often smooth. I certainly argued with Shawn about sharing the household chores when we were first married, I definitely didn’t know how to install a car seat when Claire was born, and I absolutely had no idea how to carry on with my life when I became a…
-
Grandpa Tom’s Exercise Routine
Every morning I get up and run before the sun comes up. Sometimes, it seems that no one else in the world is awake. No one, except my dad. He’s always up before I make it out of bed. I can hear him in his room, moving around and sometimes listening to music. I know what he’s doing in there, as it’s what he’s done every morning for 22 years. He’s exercising. I’ve always thought little of his exercise routine, but as I mentioned it to more and more people here in DC, I started to realize how unique it actually is. So the other day I decided to interview…
-
How Did You Cope?
Three times a week, I pour out my emotions on this blog and I tell the world exactly what’s on my mind. Last year, I got a lot of texts/calls/emails from friends and family after certain blog posts. But lately, I’ve started to hear more from people I don’t know. I get messages from people who’ve read my articles and found my blog and want to connect. Sometimes I write back, and sometimes I don’t. (If you want to know who I don’t write back to, let me say this: my blog is not a dating site. Please do not write me and ask me to go on a date…
There’s No Handbook for How to Do This
