December has been hard, in a lot of ways. It’s the month when I re-live every painful moment in the hospital with Shawn, it’s the month when I’m supposed to be happy but sometimes just can’t be, and it’s the month when I remember that yes, it all really happened. This life I’m living is […]
therapy
My Widow Friend Abena
I was really nervous about attending my first spousal loss group. The first group I went to included two people who were there to grieve their dogs. (I’m serious. You can’t make this stuff up.) So I wasn’t sure what to expect when I walked through the door. As I entered the therapy room, the […]
In a Hurry
Since I was a little girl, all I really wanted in this life was to be a mom. Sure, I wanted to be other things – a world traveler and a teacher and a great hostess. But more than any of this, I wanted to be a mom. I knew what this meant – I’d […]
Do It When It Doesn’t Make You Want To Throw Up
I remember the moment – the exact moment – when someone brought up dating in our grief group. “When will we know it’s time to date?” Our group therapist, who was both blunt and kind, leaned back in her chair and took a deep breath. “You can start thinking about dating,” she said, “when it […]
You Are Alone. Accept That. Carry On.
As I groped through the month of March, I tried a LOT of different things to feel better. I wrote. I ran. I talked to my friends. I drank wine. I cried. Sometimes I sobbed. I even texted my friends that I was thinking about following Michael Pollan’s experimentation with psychedelics. (My therapist friend Kelly […]
“Holistic Medicine” and Other Words I Never Used to Like
I was never that girl who liked yoga. All of my friends did it, but I found it boring. When my mom died, yoga didn’t calm me – it made me feel mad at all the people in the room with their “pretend” traumas. When I was a new mom, yoga didn’t make me feel […]