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Where Should We Begin?
Right now, I’m obsessed with the podcast “Where Should We Begin?” by Esther Perel. The host is a couples therapist, and the podcast is basically her sitting down with a couple and discussing whatever is going on in their marriage. I stumbled upon it after listening to Perel on the podcast “Terrible, Thanks for Asking” which is hosted by the Hot Young Widows Club founder, Nora McInerny. So, oddly, I have spent now countless hours listening to a podcast about couples because of a connection I have through one of my spousal loss groups. In any case, I love Perel’s podcast. I’ve listened to couples dealing with infidelity, couples who…
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Brave Through It
I woke up Wednesday morning with a smile on my face. I can’t remember the last time that happened. The night before, I received a text from my closest friend at work that she had delivered her first child, a boy. I had lived through her pregnancy in a way that I hadn’t ever done with my other friends. I remember helping her navigate the early days of pregnancy, getting baby bump pictures while I was in the hospital with Shawn and watching my daughter tenderly touch her belly at Shawn’s funeral. When I came back to work, we talked a lot about my life, which was sad, but we…
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Peace Be With You
Getting to church on time has proven to be very difficult in the past few months. Hell, getting anywhere on time in the past few months has been tough. So it was no surprise when I arrived to services halfway through the first reading with my three kids last Sunday. Austin and Claire ran ahead and found Austin’s godparents, Josh and Becky. They were sitting in a row with their own children and an elderly couple on the aisle. My kids starting climbing over this couple to get to Josh and Becky. They were making a huge racket and I embarrassingly sat down in an adjacent row with Tommy. Becky gave…
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Pooping on the Potty
Yesterday afternoon I heard the ding of a new text message as I was sitting in our school library, attempting to grade an essay. “Good news,” my dad wrote, “Tommy pooped on the potty at preschool today. He is very proud of himself.” “That’s incredible!” I texted back. Seconds later, I had the immediate thought that I should text Shawn. It’s a reflex that’s still there months after it should have ended. I don’t ever actually start texting him, but the moment where I think, “I cannot wait to tell Shawn about this,” always occurs when something like this happens with our kids. I didn’t text him. But I did…
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Why Do All the Damn Parents Die in Disney movies?
A few weeks ago, Claire was invited to a birthday party at the movies to see “A Wrinkle in Time.” It’s a movie about a girl who has to find her lost father. Thoughtfully, the mother of the birthday girl texted me to see if I thought it would be a good idea for Claire to watch the movie, or if it was better to plan a separate event for our two kids. I talked to Claire about it, and we watched the trailer together. She was excited about the movie, and didn’t seem upset by any of it, so I let her go. But this got me thinking. If…
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Mother’s Day
On Friday, Austin came home from first grade and announced he had made a card for me. He handed it over and I told him I’d put it away to open on Sunday. But the front of it was hilariously cute. On it, he’d written, “Happy!!! Mothers!!! Day!!! Mom!!!!” and drawn a stick-figure likeness of me and him. I couldn’t wait to open it. That night, we had to go to the elementary school picnic. Of course, it was scheduled at the same time as the preschool picnic which was across the street. This seems to happen every year and was never an easy situation even when Shawn was alive. …
There’s No Handbook for How to Do This
