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The Look of Real Love
Since becoming a widow, I’ve started to study other people’s relationships. I didn’t start doing this on purpose, and for many months after Shawn died, I didn’t really notice other people. But then I started to look out. I began to watch my friends and acquaintances for clues as to how I was going to navigate the world without my husband. I did a lot more observing than I’d ever done before. The other day, I met up with a new friend and although we’ve known each other professionally for a while now, I don’t know much about his personal life. I hadn’t seen him in a few months and…
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The View in Portofino
Over by the docks was a little spot where I saw someone soaking their feet. “Let’s play in the water, kids!” I said. Claire opted to stay back in the main square to chat with a new friend, so I brought the boys down to the water. They took off their socks and shoes and joyously splashed around. I snapped a few photos and then went to sit on a bench. I watched them cautiously at first, but then relaxed a bit. Wow, I thought, my feet really hurt. After a few minutes, a man walked up to the bench, looked at my boys and then sat down facing the…
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Lost
Getting lost in a foreign country is never a good idea. It happened to me all the time before I started traveling with Shawn. I’d be somewhere by myself, in a country where I didn’t speak the language, and I’d realize that I was lost. I always managed to find my way home, though sometimes this meant that I lost a whole day of traveling or, worse, made some dubious decisions like getting in cars with strangers. But once I met Shawn we never got lost. On our first big trip we went to Vietnam (which wasn’t actually that far, as we were living in Japan) and there was a…
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Swimming in the Mediterranean Sea
It was time to jump. And Claire was scared. Not just a little bit scared, the way kids can get when they say “I’m scared!” but it’s mostly just nervous excitement. No – she was legitimately scared. The waves were actually pretty rough and the boat was rocking significantly. “Claire,” I said, taking her face in my hands, “you can do this. You’re only going to get this one chance. I know you’re scared but I’ll jump with you.” Then I took her hand and led her up to the jumping-off point of the boat. She held tight. I could see the fear still in her eyes but I could…
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Our 15th Wedding Anniversary
Shawn used to play an acoustic version of Ice Ice Baby on his guitar. He didn’t do it much after we had kids but when we were in our 20s and I’d egg him on at parties, he’d whip out his guitar and start with this: All right stopCollaborate and listenIce is back with my brand new inventionSomething grabs a hold of me tightlyThen I flow that a harpoon daily and nightlyWill it ever stop?Yo, I don’t knowTurn off the lights and I’ll glow He’d always sing the whole thing, but what made it so hilarious was his intonation and the fact that he pretended to take it really seriously.…
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Shawn’s Birthday, Year 2
“It’s hot!” Claire said just after she touched her food. We were spending the day in France and Monaco. Just before sitting down for a late-morning snack, we’d hiked to a beautiful outlook. From the top, we could see a gorgeous view of the French Riviera. I was dumbstruck, but the kids were mostly hot and hungry, because, well, they are kids. So we found a little café nearby and I ordered croissants for everyone. It took a long time because they made them from scratch and then brought them out straight from the oven. “Just take a small piece to eat,” I told Claire. She took one bite and…
There’s No Handbook for How to Do This
