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Four Years Ago
(Below is a letter I wrote my first class of senior-level government students. We lived through the election of 2016 together, and the day afterwards, I had them write letters to themselves that I saved for four years. Last week, I sent them those letters, along with this one. It’s been edited for privacy and brevity.) Almost four years ago, on the day after the election, I looked out at all of you from the front of my classroom and I wasn’t quite sure what to say. We were all surprised at how the election had turned out, and I knew there was a lot of emotion in the air.…
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Want Less Judgmental Friends? Find Some Widows!
I was talking to a widow friend via text the other day, and I was catching her up on my life. She knows about my partner Chris but didn’t know all the details of our relationship, so I was filling her in. “So he’s never been married,” she said, “why is that?” Quickly, before I could answer, she texted a follow-up, “there is zero judgement from me, obviously.” Here’s the thing – she didn’t have to type that last line. I already knew it. I knew it because she’s my friend and I know she wants the best for me. But I also knew it because she’s a widow. My…
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Make a Prediction
Tommy is learning all sorts of things in school this year, and since he’s learning them from our dining room, sometimes the whole family takes part in his lessons. Last week, he ran into the kitchen screaming, “I need to find something that starts with the letter T!” which led to a mad scramble as we all tried to think of an object that fit that description. His teacher is doing the impossible job of keeping dozens of 6-year-olds engaged, and part of that entails having a schedule with breaks. During these breaks, the kids often have “assignments” to complete, and either Chris or I will take a few minutes…
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Hi, I’m Chris
Below is a post that was written by my partner, Chris. You’ve heard about him from my writing on this blog. But try as I might, I was never able to get Chris to come and guest blog. I waited and prodded him to write something over the summer, but he was hesitant. I think Chris felt like it was my blog, and he was unsure if he had anything to say that would be of any interest to widows. I disagreed. I think his viewpoint is a unique and important one. Plus, I want you all to know him a bit more! A few days ago, he showed me…
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A Life That Sparkles (400th Blog Post)
I don’t know what the statistics are around it, but I know a lot of widows who’ve recently decided to move. I think there’s a number of reasons for this, but certainly a house can feel heavy when so many memories remain in it. Given different circumstances (if my husband had died in the house, for example) I might have moved too. But Shawn was insistent that I stay in the house. He knew what it would take for me to stay, and he talked me through it. He instructed me on how to pay the bills and fix the clogged drains and how often to clean the gutters. “Staying…
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The Danger of the Fast-Forward Button
About two and a half years ago, as I sat with the early grief of losing Shawn, I wrote a blog post called “Press Fast-Forward.” In it, I talked about how I wished I could just fast-forward my life to a better place. Here’s a bit of what I wrote: My ability to hold other people’s pain and frustration is significantly less than it once was. I want to feel for other people, but I just can’t. I guess this is because I can barely hold my own emotions throughout the day. Grief has made me into a more selfish person – a person who is more likely to reach…
There’s No Handbook for How to Do This
