Goodbye, 2021… (Part 1 of 2)

Goodbye, 2021.

Goodbye, nightmares. I know I also said this last year (and the year before that and the year before that), but those really terrible ones? For real, no more nightmares, please.

Goodbye, junk mail that still arrives for Shawn. Especially when it’s life insurance policies.

Goodbye to making everyone happy. Yes, things may have been different in the past. But now, I need to make the best decisions I can for my family, which may not please everyone else.

Goodbye worries that our wedding will be ruined or our guests will do all the wrong things. Turned out, in every way it mattered, it was perfect.

Goodbye anxiety over Covid. We’re all vaccinated so it’s all going to be okay. At least someday. Right??

Goodbye electric company drama. I called you at least a dozen times and finally got Shawn’s name off the bill. So that’s it, right? Can you please just stop with the emails that arrive in his name?

Goodbye virtual school and hybrid teaching. Even with all the drama, I didn’t quit my job in 2021, and that’s got to mean something.

Goodbye to worrying about shit people said to me in the past about how my future would be really hard. Yes, some of it may have been true, but turns out, widowed life wasn’t without its joys, too.

Goodbye fear of losing my husband Chris. I know it will happen someday. But not today. Not today.

Goodbye to wondering “why” my mom died by suicide. There is no answer. But I do know she loved us.

Goodbye insecurity. The past four years has shown me what I can do even when things are really hard.

Goodbye fear that bad things always happen to me. It may feel that way in early widowhood. But it’s just not true.

Goodbye book draft. Maybe I’ll try to write a book, someday. But for now, I’m tucking you away.

Goodbye guilt. For real, goodbye.

Goodbye confusion over who Chris is and what role he plays in our lives. He’s here to stay.

Goodbye, 2021.