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Ask a Widow: What to Do When You’re a Widow and a Parent
After Shawn died, I had to plan the funeral and make sure that we would be financially stable and learn how to fix things around the house. But even in those early days, I knew I only had one real goal: make sure my kids remained emotionally whole. The thing is, I knew that it was possible. Yes, I was older when my mom died, but she was sick for many years. And yet, I was able to survive her death. There were a few reasons for this, but the main one was that I had my dad. So I knew that I could get my kids through this major…
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My Widow Friend Abena
I was really nervous about attending my first spousal loss group. The first group I went to included two people who were there to grieve their dogs. (I’m serious. You can’t make this stuff up.) So I wasn’t sure what to expect when I walked through the door. As I entered the therapy room, the first person I saw was an old man in a wheelchair who was probably 90 years old. Great, I thought. I sat down on the couch and smiled at him. He looked sad. More people filed in. I was glad (in a bizarre way) to see that there were a few other young people. It…
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All Shawn Ever Wanted for Me
It was Saturday night and I was putting my kids to bed when I got a text from my friend Christine. “Are you awake? Justin and I just picked up someone for you. I showed him your picture!” I was laying down in Tommy’s bed, aimlessly scrolling through the New York Times. I sat up. Did Christine really just write that she and her husband had hit on someone for me? “OMG. Are you out?” I texted back. “We are at a bar. Want his number? Should I give him yours?” she asked. Then she sent a string of ideas about how I should start texting him, but I demurred…
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Just Marjorie and the Hash Run
I am trying new things. I mean, my whole life is about trying new things: learning to fix things around my house and grill for my kids and maintain a handle on my finances. But what I mean is that I’m trying new things that I don’t have to do. I’m experimenting with new recipes. I’m going out with men who aren’t typically my cup of tea. And of course, I’m running. Last week, I tried something really new: a hash run. For those of you who’ve never heard of a hash run, do not worry that you are out of the loop – until a friend suggested I do…
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Guilt
“He needs a colonoscopy soon, Marjorie.” I think about these words all the time. My dad said them to me probably a month before Shawn’s diagnosis, after some tests had revealed that there were tiny bits of blood in Shawn’s stool. At the time, I told my dad that Shawn had one scheduled for January. “I’d do it sooner,” he replied. Our talk that day scared me a bit, but I brushed it off. Shawn had a doctor here in DC, and he was getting on a new antibiotic to help his pain. I didn’t need to worry too much. Why didn’t I make him go get the colonoscopy right…
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Ask a Widow: Yes, It’s Okay to Want to Have Sex Again
WARNING: If you are squeamish about sex OR if you are my father, you may want to stop reading right now. Because I’m going to talk to you about sex. Not just about desire or dating, but actually about sex. And I’m not going to discuss the sex that you once had. I’m going to talk to you, my widowed friend, about wanting to have sex again. Even when you are grieving. Last week, I asked my readers to let me know the questions they had about widowhood and grieving. Many people wrote me, and the overwhelming topic was sex. A composite of the most common note went something like…
There’s No Handbook for How to Do This
