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Lost
Getting lost in a foreign country is never a good idea. It happened to me all the time before I started traveling with Shawn. I’d be somewhere by myself, in a country where I didn’t speak the language, and I’d realize that I was lost. I always managed to find my way home, though sometimes this meant that I lost a whole day of traveling or, worse, made some dubious decisions like getting in cars with strangers. But once I met Shawn we never got lost. On our first big trip we went to Vietnam (which wasn’t actually that far, as we were living in Japan) and there was a…
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Swimming in the Mediterranean Sea
It was time to jump. And Claire was scared. Not just a little bit scared, the way kids can get when they say “I’m scared!” but it’s mostly just nervous excitement. No – she was legitimately scared. The waves were actually pretty rough and the boat was rocking significantly. “Claire,” I said, taking her face in my hands, “you can do this. You’re only going to get this one chance. I know you’re scared but I’ll jump with you.” Then I took her hand and led her up to the jumping-off point of the boat. She held tight. I could see the fear still in her eyes but I could…
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Our 15th Wedding Anniversary
Shawn used to play an acoustic version of Ice Ice Baby on his guitar. He didn’t do it much after we had kids but when we were in our 20s and I’d egg him on at parties, he’d whip out his guitar and start with this: All right stopCollaborate and listenIce is back with my brand new inventionSomething grabs a hold of me tightlyThen I flow that a harpoon daily and nightlyWill it ever stop?Yo, I don’t knowTurn off the lights and I’ll glow He’d always sing the whole thing, but what made it so hilarious was his intonation and the fact that he pretended to take it really seriously.…
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Shawn’s Birthday, Year 2
“It’s hot!” Claire said just after she touched her food. We were spending the day in France and Monaco. Just before sitting down for a late-morning snack, we’d hiked to a beautiful outlook. From the top, we could see a gorgeous view of the French Riviera. I was dumbstruck, but the kids were mostly hot and hungry, because, well, they are kids. So we found a little café nearby and I ordered croissants for everyone. It took a long time because they made them from scratch and then brought them out straight from the oven. “Just take a small piece to eat,” I told Claire. She took one bite and…
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Sundance or Sunscreen?
I was walking on the beach with my dear friend Kelly one day a few months ago. We were talking about everything that you talk about with a friend you’ve known for 20 years – our families, our careers, our futures. The sun was setting as we walked, and I took a moment to let the water run over my toes and to feel really alive. It’s great to feel that way. When it happens, I often find myself able to think about the future. At that point in my life, I’d just ended the first romance I’d been in since Shawn’s death. I was reeling from the emotions that…
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Happiness Is For Other People
“I need space,” he said. “I need to see you,” you replied. “I need time,” he said. “I need to see you,” you replied again. He pulled. You pushed. It became clear that it was ending and yet you held on to the hope that it was not. “Please don’t let this fall apart,” you thought. Maybe you even said it out loud. But it was over. That brief affair, the one that had helped you through the darkest days of winter, was fading as the spring approached. And you were heartbroken. Your friends tried to console you. “You will find love again,” they said. But they didn’t know. They…
There’s No Handbook for How to Do This
