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Ask a Widow: Legacy (Part 1)
I get a number of private messages on my blog, and I try and respond when I can. Usually, there is little I can offer to grieving people except to say, “It’s terrible. Hang in there.” But every once in a while, I get a letter that really makes me think. That happened to me last week, and the reader graciously allowed me to address it publicly. Here’s an excerpt of that note, edited for privacy: My husband died two years ago. He was one of those people who was well known by many. We had hundreds of people attend his funeral and to this day, he is loved and…
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Ask a Widow: Could My Date Be a Father to My Kids?
I got a note from a reader the other day that made me pause. Yes, I get a number of public comments and private notes, and I’m used to answering them. But this one, from a fellow young widow, really made me think: I know my husband would want me to find love again. He wouldn’t want me to spend the next 40-50 years alone (I’m a young widow). It’s only been 7.5 months. I’m not anywhere near ready to let someone else in. The thought of it just upsets me. But, I think it’s a possibility in the future. However, what I really struggle with is potentially letting a…
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Ask a Widow: How Do I Meet Other Young Widows?
About once a week, I get a message that goes something like this: My husband died six months ago, and now I’m a 35-year-old widow. I’ve gotten to the point where the grief is somewhat manageable, but my problem now is that I feel so isolated. My friends want to help, but they just can’t understand what it’s like to be me. I’ve tried going to spousal loss groups, but everyone is twice my age. How can I find a group of young widows in my area? For a long time, my replies to these emails were always the same: “I have no real answers for you. I found people…
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Ask a Widow: Dating is Hard When You Try to Predict the Future
I’ve said it before, but I’ll repeat it again: people write to me all the time about dating. Usually, I get private messages on my blog or my social media pages. The questions range from the existential (“does it mean I don’t still love my late husband if I want to date?”) to the mundane (“what’s the best dating website for widows?”) I try and answer the questions as best I can, but I’m no expert. I’m merely someone who has written openly about my own experience. Often, readers give me their backstory before asking me about dating. It might go something like this: My husband and I were married…
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Ask a Widow: What If He’s Not Shawn?
People love to write me about dating – how to start doing it, how to talk to someone you’re interested in, how to handle the dramas of dating (there are so many). One of the things I see repetitively on my blog are questions or comments about the specific issues pertinent to dating as a widow. There are a number of these, but one in particular stands out. I’ll paraphrase, but it usually goes something like this: I’m trying to date again because I don’t want to be alone. I am going out on dates, but nothing feels quite right. At the end of each date I think, “that person…
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Ask a Widow: What’s So Hard With Online Dating?
Today’s “Ask a Widow” column comes from a comment I hear from a lot of people, most of whom are not online dating. It goes something like this: “you’re lucky to be dating in the digital age. Think of how many people you can meet online!”I know it’s meant to be encouraging. But I usually respond with some sort of comment about how dating is never easy, and that online dating is even more challenging than regular dating. This usually surprises people and often leads to the next question, the one I’m going to answer today: What’s so hard with online dating? If you are a widow who is trying…
There’s No Handbook for How to Do This
