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Field Trips, Open Houses and Other Events I Can’t Attend Anymore
The other day I was sorting through the kids’ paperwork after school and came across a permission slip for a field trip for Claire. I signed it, and then was putting it on my calendar when Claire came over to me. I asked her about what she thought she was going to do on the field trip, and she told me. Then she turned and looked at me with hopeful eyes and asked, “Can you chaperone my field trip, mama?” I sighed. There was no way I could take off. “I can’t, baby,” I said. I tried to keep my voice even. “I have to work full time now and…
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Talking to My Kids About Death, Again
Many years ago, when Claire was about 5, she was just starting to understand the concept of death. One day at school she learned from a friend that people can die of all sorts of diseases. This peaked her curiosity and she asked me about a dozen questions that night. “But how do people get sick in the first place? Why do some people get so sick they die? What happens when you die?” I answered her questions the best I could. At the end of our conversation, she asked me one last question. “Mom, is it possible that a kid could get sick and die?” I froze. I hadn’t…
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Nana
One day near the end of the school year, I picked Austin up and he insisted that we call his Nana. “Today at school,” he told me, “we had a cake made out of ice cream for a birthday party. I want to call Nana and see if they have those kind of cakes in Texas!” I smiled, and felt a bit guilty too. Had I really never introduced ice cream cake to my 7-year-old? We called Nana, and she picked up on the first ring. “Hi Nana,” Austin started. “Austin!” Nana shouted. I could picture her face – smiling and full of life. “Guess what?” Austin asked her. “We had…
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Run Away
On Monday, I woke with a pit in my stomach. “Six months,” I thought. “Six entire months since Shawn left this world. How could that be?” I didn’t quite know what to do with the anxiety I was feeling, but my cousin Amy offered to take my kids for the morning and I gratefully left them with her. “I’m going out on a run,” I told her. “Great,” she said, “there’s a loop you can run around here, or you can cross the main road and go further.” I took off. It was raining, which is weird for Texas in July, but it meant that the heat didn’t hold me…
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Brussels Sprouts
A few days ago, I came home from an afternoon at the pool and said “screw it” to a formal dinner. The kids were starving and I had eggs in the refrigerator, so that’s what everyone was getting. I also decided that we’d all get in our PJs and then eat dinner while watching Kung Fu Panda. Obviously, there’s a lot of “winging it” going on now that school’s out. In any case, I sent Claire and Tommy up to take baths, and Austin begged to go over to see the next-door neighbor. I relented. He’d taken a shower (I think?) at the pool, or at least he told me…
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You’re Not Bothering Me
“I don’t want to bother you….” starts the email. It’s nothing new. I get an email or a text or something like this at least a couple of times a day. At first, when Shawn was sick and then immediately after he died, I couldn’t really process anything. I read the emails and then never responded and I figured people understood. If I’m being honest, I didn’t even care. I appreciated the outreach in the immediate aftermath, but (and I’m sorry here for everyone who helped me) I honestly can’t really remember who did what. I was in such a fog. I’m not totally out of that fog yet, but…
There’s No Handbook for How to Do This
