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The First Day of School
I missed my kids’ first day of school last year. My hometown of Albany, Oregon was one of the best places to see the total solar eclipse of 2017 and so instead of walking my kids to their first day of school, I watched the eclipse with my dad and sister. I don’t regret it, because it was amazing. But it meant that Shawn did the first day of school by himself. He was a capable father, so this wasn’t a huge deal, and he texted me photos of the kids walking to school with their friends that morning. I don’t have our text exchange saved, but I do remember…
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An Anniversary of Sorts
Shawn and I were married when I was 25 and he had just turned 27. Back home in small-town Oregon, many of my friends were already married by 25. But my friends outside of my hometown were somewhat scandalized. At some point during our engagement, I overheard one friend ask another, “how long have they actually even known each other?” Another dear friend of mine asked me, “are you sure you want to marry Shawn? Like, for the rest of your life? You’re only 25!” None of these people really knew Shawn. They only knew that I was deciding to get married at a fairly young age. But everyone who…
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Shawn’s Birthday, Part 2
As promised, I took the kids to the cemetery on their Dad’s birthday, which was Wednesday. I had no idea how it would go. They were at a tennis camp with my friend Christine’s two kids, and so when it came time to go, Christine decided that she’d come with her kids too. So we loaded them up and took off right after lunch – just two moms on an outing with their kids to the cemetery. We talked a lot in the car about the cemetery. I told them that it looked like a park and that Shawn’s grave had a marker on it and grass growing over it.…
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Shawn’s Birthday
My kids always seem to have a knack of knowing when important dates are coming up. They are too young to use calendars, so they don’t usually recognize when something is about to happen. But somehow, in the past six months, they’ve known when a big event is on the horizon. Maybe that’s because I become anxious, and they can feel it in the air. Father’s Day was like this. The kids didn’t know exactly when it was, but they seemed to be just a little more on edge in the days leading up to it. And so, I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised when they were totally wild…
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Father’s Day
My anxiety around Father’s Day this year was out of control. I guess that’s to be expected, but I had a hard time focusing on the last few days of school because I was obsessed with what would happen on Sunday. It’s not like Father’s Day was this huge event in our house in previous years. My kids would make Shawn a card and maybe he’d go see a movie with friends. But still. It’s such a marker of what we don’t have that seemingly everyone else in the world has. I know that’s not true, of course. I know there are lots of single moms out there, and plenty…
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90s Party
When Claire was in kindergarten, Shawn and I teamed up with two other couples to throw a party to benefit our kids’ elementary school. Since that first time, the now-infamous 90s party has happened every spring at our house. This year would be no different, and part of that was because of Shawn. When he was in the hospital, I remember telling him that we’d do things to protect his immunity during the chemo treatments, including cancelling the 90s party. “What?” he’d said, horrified, when I brought it up. “You can’t cancel it!” So we decided we’d throw the party anyway, and figure out a venue later, if Shawn was still…
There’s No Handbook for How to Do This
