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After a Year
I got involved with the Hot Young Widows Club about a month after Shawn died. It is a place where widows of all backgrounds can share their most raw emotions and daily experiences (and contrary to the name, there is no litmus test to get in!) I found it comforting that other people struggled with similar issues that I faced and I often found myself scrolling through its newsfeed at night. But there was one thing that made me nervous about what I read there. Sometimes I would see a comment about how the second year after loss can be more difficult than the first year. Eventually, I discovered this…
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The Ring
I took it off for the first time as an experiment. Since the day I was married, I wore my wedding ring constantly. I know many people take their rings off every night but that wasn’t me. I knew if I took my ring off, I’d lose it. So no matter where I was – the pool, the gym, the sink, the bed – I kept my wedding ring on. As we gained financial stability, Shawn would ask me if I wanted a “nicer” ring someday. “No!” I always told him, emphatically. I loved that ring. “I don’t want a new ring,” I’d say to him. “This is the ring…
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Thestrals
After years of reading terrible books like Captain Underpants, Austin finally showed interest in starting the Harry Potter series. A few months ago, we began reading the first book, and we’ve progressively moved through the story. It’s a compelling one, with characters and themes that are far beyond those easily understandable by a 7-year-old. One of the magical creatures that appears in the series is a thestral. I had to actually look up the definition of this bat-like, horse-shaped creature online, and once I did I remembered that it was a special kind of supernatural being: the thestral is only visible to people who’ve seen someone die and accepted that…
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The Spelling Bee
“The word is ‘universe,’” the judge said clearly. Claire took a deep breath. “Universe. U….n…i…” she paused for a second, and then started drawing the letters in the air. “V….e…r…s…e. Universe.” “That’s correct,” the judge said. Claire smiled, and walked quickly back to her seat. I waved at her as she sat down and she gave me a big smile. She’d made it through round 2 of her school’s spelling bee. I didn’t sign Claire up for the spelling bee. I think she told me about it a month ago, but I promptly forgot. I mean, like I need one more thing to worry about. But then the day before…
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Family
At the end of last year, I got on a shuttle bus at the airport with my kids and my dad. Tommy sat with my dad and I sat with Claire and Austin. We were on our way to Texas and everyone was really excited. At the next stop, another family got on. It was a mom, a dad and two kids. They sat together and the parents chatted happily with the kids. To most outside observers, the scene was nothing out of the ordinary. But it struck me how much watching them bothered me. They were the family I was supposed to have. I’m sure they didn’t think much…
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Year of Yes
“You have to come,” Paige said to me, “this aerobics class is a unique Cayman experience. I can’t let you miss it.” I reiterated that I didn’t like workout classes. “I already have enough people demanding things of me,” I always say when people encourage me to sign up for something like Orange Theory or Soul Cycle. “Well this is more like a fast pass to Carnival,” she said, “and it’s time to go.” I went to the reggae aerobics class. I was her guest for the week, and this was something she really wanted me to do. The class was packed and had just started when we arrived. The…
There’s No Handbook for How to Do This
