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I Want to Die Right Now Because at Least Then I Wouldn’t Have to Carry Anyone Home After They Throw Up from Eating Too Much Ice Cream
The title of this blog post is from an actual text I sent some of my girlfriends this summer. If there’s something that sums up my summer, it’s probably that text. By August, I was so exhausted that the idea that I had to do one more thing for my kids was just too much. So, as I sat watching Tommy eat an ice cream cone that was bigger than his head, I thought, “dear God, please don’t let him throw up. If he does, I’m going to have a mental breakdown.” And hence, this text. My friends all laughed and offered encouragement, because that’s what friends do. They knew…
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Reading with Claire
Every night, the routine is the same. I read a book to Tommy. I read a book to Austin. Then I sit on the end of their bed until they fall asleep. They have a bunk bed, but they both sleep in the bottom bunk together. This is something they did for most of 2017, and it seemed like last fall, Austin was ready to move to the top bunk. Of course, now all bets are off. It’s actually comforting to me that they have each other, even if it means that when one of them wakes up and comes to my bed in the middle of the night, the…
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The Scar
Claire has been to the emergency room exactly one time, when she ate a pistachio nut and had an allergic reaction that had to be treated with epinephrine. My boys, however, have been at least a dozen times between them. They’ve received stitches and slings and warnings from doctors to never again do whatever it was they were doing. It’s a stereotype to be sure, but damn if my boys don’t go to the ER much more than my girl. I managed to make it through six months without anyone getting hurt. But of course it was Austin who broke that streak last Friday night. After Shawn died, this was actually…
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What If the Plane Crashes?
I’ve taken my kids on airplanes since the very early days of their lives. Claire was only six weeks old the first time she rode on a plane, and I remember boarding the flight with Shawn and about fifteen bags to guarantee we had everything. As I sat down, the man in front of me turned around and said, “that baby better not scream for the entire flight.” Claire was six weeks old. Through some miracle, she slept through the entire flight and I smugly de-boarded the plane afterwards. Shawn was livid at the rude man, but I felt victorious. I must have been doing everything right if my baby…
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So Proud
The end of the school year is really a crazy time for parents. In the last week and a half of school, Claire and Austin have a combined seven school events. All of them, of course, are during the middle of the day, which makes things really difficult for working parents. Particularly single working parents. On the way to school on Friday, Claire asked me whether I was coming to the end-of-year party. “No,” I told her, “But I’m coming on the all-day zoo field trip the day before, so don’t worry!” “But everyone else’s parents are coming to the party!” she whined. Let’s be clear here – everyone else’s parents are…
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Full Time
For the past four years, I have walked my kids to school every day. When Tommy was born, I went to part-time and the flexibility allowed me to take my kids to school and pick them up most days. Shawn walked them some mornings, especially as the kids got older and there were different preschool and elementary school drop offs that we needed to share. In fact, the last morning he had with them before he entered the hospital, we walked the kids to school together. We had to drive part of the way, but he soldiered on and we made sure to drop each of them with their respective…
There’s No Handbook for How to Do This
