-
Do This, Because You Are Her Friend
Let’s say you have a female friend that’s you’ve known for a number of years (and it could be a man, but for simplicity’s sake, let’s imagine it’s a woman.) One day, her husband falls ill and soon after, he dies. She is bereft, and also needs to figure out how to afford her house payments, continue with her career and care for her young children. In the initial days, you knew what to do. Maybe you didn’t know what to say but you knew what to do. Bring food, lots of it. Donate to an online campaign to pay for funeral expenses. Offer to pick up her kids from…
-
The Man at the Gas Station
I realized I was out of gas as I headed back from the doctor last week. I was out in the suburbs, too far from home to wait until I could go to my usual gas station, so I pulled into a random one on a side street. I got out, paid for my gas and waited for my tank to fill. In the interim, I washed my windshield. Behind me, a man whistled. I ignored it, mostly because I was alone and in a hurry to get back to my kids. Then I heard the same guy yelling, “hey you, excuse me, excuse me,” so I turned around. He…
-
Kids That Could Be My Own
My kids often have a really hard time being away from me. Not always, mind you. Sometimes, they can go skipping off on a playdate, or to get ice cream with a favorite aunt and they are all smiles. But overall, they don’t want me to leave them. They don’t like when I take an evening for myself and they don’t like if they have to be with a sitter. They have to be away from me sometimes. I went and saw my sister and her new baby, and they really missed me then. Sometimes I need a day or two to get away and write. And every once in…
-
What I’m Scared Of
I slipped into the last spot on the elevator going up to my hotel room last week. As I fumbled in my purse for my room key (so I could push the button to my floor) the man standing next to me said, “quick! You better show us your room key so we know you are allowed up!” He meant it as a joke, but it felt like a strange thing to say, and I sort-of half smiled/half frowned at him while continuing to rifle through my purse. He beamed at the other people on the elevator, who were clearly friends of his. I got off at my floor, and…
-
Happiness Is For Other People
“I need space,” he said. “I need to see you,” you replied. “I need time,” he said. “I need to see you,” you replied again. He pulled. You pushed. It became clear that it was ending and yet you held on to the hope that it was not. “Please don’t let this fall apart,” you thought. Maybe you even said it out loud. But it was over. That brief affair, the one that had helped you through the darkest days of winter, was fading as the spring approached. And you were heartbroken. Your friends tried to console you. “You will find love again,” they said. But they didn’t know. They…
-
Not a Shitty Husband
I was with a friend a few weeks ago who was recovering from surgery. He was hurting, and I suggested he take a painkiller. “I did that for about three weeks after the surgery,” he said, “but I’ve stopped doing that.” “Why?” I asked. “Take the drugs! There’s no reason to hurt like you are.” “Yes there is,” he said. “Because I hurt when I’m starting to over-do it. The pain warns me to stop.” “Right,” I said, feeling silly, “that, of course, is why pain exists.” We laughed a bit. But I thought about this idea later. We have physical pain to warn us about something – a headache…
There’s No Handbook for How to Do This
