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2020 Vision Revisited
2020. You certainly didn’t go as planned, did you? I mean, I wrote a whole blog post at the start of last year about vision, and how important it was going to be for me to have some clarity about my life in 2020. Yes, 2018 had been the year of survival, and 2019 had been the “year of yes” but 2020 was going to be the year that I finally pulled myself together. Here’s a piece of what I wrote in the post “2020 vision“: Recently on my runs, I’ve started to pass by the National Cathedral here in Washington. Because I run so early, I’m often passing it…
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Now You Just Write Random Things
Dinnertime is where we have our most interesting conversations. It hasn’t always been this way. For many years I just survived dinnertime with small kids, and the year Shawn died I don’t think I had one real conversation over a meal with the kids. But eventually my dad and I settled on a dinner routine. When Chris arrived this spring, he helped cement it even further. Every night, we go around and say our highs and lows for the day, which usually leads us into longer conversations. The other day, I was talking about how I had connected with another young widow and it made me feel good to talk…
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…Hello, 2021 (Part 2 of 2)
Hello, 2021. Hello first sip of coffee in the morning, reminding me that life’s small pleasures are worth savoring. Hello risk. I’m comfortable with you now. (Though I’ll still wear my mask until we all get that vaccine.) Hello laughter at all times of the day. Even when it’s 10 am and I’m trying to learn first grade subtraction while teaching high school government online. Even when it’s 10 pm and I’m exhausted from the day. Hello joy. Hello Friday pizza night. You were the best night at the end of every week, especially the night that Chris proposed. I think you’re around to stay. Hello vulnerability. You lead to…
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2020, It’s Time to Go… (Part 1 of 2)
It’s time to go, 2020. It’s time to go, face masks and hand sanitizer and six feet of social distance. Not right away, I know. But soon, I hope. Soon. It’s time to go, waking up at 3 am. It’s time to go, guilt and anxiety. Or at least the really bad guilt and anxiety that comes after tragic loss. I’m healing now, so I really just have space for regular guilt and anxiety. It’s time to go, online dating. It’s time to go, nightmares. I know I also said this last year (and the year before that), but those really terrible ones? For real, no more nightmares, please. It’s…
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Kitchen Counter
The kitchen is my favorite room in my house. About a year before Shawn died, we remodeled part of the house, putting in a new kitchen with more light and a few more cabinets. I had never been a big cook, but I was excited about the project. I thought that having a nicer space might help me improve my culinary skills. Things didn’t quite go as planned. The kids were still so small and Shawn was working on building a new business and my teaching job was picking up, and there wasn’t any time. I figured once Tommy was in full-time preschool, I’d be able to really work on…
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Gingee
Every single year at the end of November, it happens again. No matter how much I try and remember, no matter where I look, I just cannot find what I need. I cannot find Gingee. Gingee is our Christmas elf. She’s actually just a stuffed doll that Shawn and I got when Claire was 4 or 5 during the elf-on-the-shelf craze (Claire named our elf Gingee at the time.) For years, we pretended that Gingee would show up during the month of December to watch over the kids and “report back to Santa at night.” Because Gingee had to fly to the North Pole when everyone was sleeping, she often…
There’s No Handbook for How to Do This
