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Hey Married Lady! Here’s What You Can Do To Support Your Single Friend
Let’s say you know a single woman. Maybe she’s divorced or maybe she’s a widow or maybe she’s coming off of a long-term partnership. But whatever the case, she’s now single. And she doesn’t want to be. You, however, are married. You aren’t always happy with everything your spouse does, but you have a stable marriage. You’ve dated in the past, but that was many years ago. So now you are watching your friend try to start dating. Maybe it’s been a really long time since you were in the dating world, and the idea of internet dating or sleeping with someone new seems really daunting. Trust me – it’s…
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Ask a Widow: Navigating Friendships
“My friend stopped calling me.” “I feel left out.” “It’s not the same with that group anymore.” One thing that I hear often from my readers is how often other relationships change after the death of a spouse. Yes, you’ve lost your partner, but when the fog clears and you can manage to have a conversation with some of your old friends, it’s sometimes surprising when things just don’t seem the same. It can be hard to put your finger on what’s actually changed in your other relationships, but it is something many widows experience. (I remember thinking, “am I imagining this?”) When Shawn died, I initially didn’t care much…
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All Shawn Ever Wanted for Me
It was Saturday night and I was putting my kids to bed when I got a text from my friend Christine. “Are you awake? Justin and I just picked up someone for you. I showed him your picture!” I was laying down in Tommy’s bed, aimlessly scrolling through the New York Times. I sat up. Did Christine really just write that she and her husband had hit on someone for me? “OMG. Are you out?” I texted back. “We are at a bar. Want his number? Should I give him yours?” she asked. Then she sent a string of ideas about how I should start texting him, but I demurred…
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Grant Showed Us the Way
Below is a piece by my friend and neighbor, Mark. He tells the story of how his son Grant and my son Austin became close friends in the time after Shawn’s death. He begins his story as Shawn is in the hospital. Marjorie was surrounded by best friends and family, which was somewhat of a relief. We were just neighbors who mostly found each other in the adjoining alley where our kids played basketball and learned to ride bikes. The last time Marjorie and I spoke was about three weeks before the service. There still was hope that Shawn would survive. I brought meatballs and pasta for the week. After…
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From Standing to Dancing
The thing about being a widow is that you become kind-of a crappy friend, at least for a little while. You cry at people’s weddings. You ruin perfectly good barbeques by talking just a little too much about your late husband. You’re never on time. You forget to call people back and you never remember anyone’s birthday besides your own. You never do the carpool and you certainly don’t organize weekly get-togethers. Sometimes when you get together with your friends, everyone spends all of their emotional energy on you. At times, it’s not a lot of fun to be a widow’s friend. Still, so many people have been good friends…
There’s No Handbook for How to Do This
