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Reasonable Positivity
Shawn always used to say that his big goal in life was to be a middle-tier bureaucrat. It made people laugh when he’d say it. Didn’t he want to be the Secretary of Defense or something? No, he’d tell everyone, he just wanted to make policy that mattered and write things other people wanted to read and play with his kids on the weekends. It’s something that I always really admired, even when his career was taking off. He didn’t need the spotlight. He also didn’t subscribe to this brand of “everything and everyone has to be the best in order to be good.” Sometimes, reaching for the middle was…
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…Hello, 2021 (Part 2 of 2)
Hello, 2021. Hello first sip of coffee in the morning, reminding me that life’s small pleasures are worth savoring. Hello risk. I’m comfortable with you now. (Though I’ll still wear my mask until we all get that vaccine.) Hello laughter at all times of the day. Even when it’s 10 am and I’m trying to learn first grade subtraction while teaching high school government online. Even when it’s 10 pm and I’m exhausted from the day. Hello joy. Hello Friday pizza night. You were the best night at the end of every week, especially the night that Chris proposed. I think you’re around to stay. Hello vulnerability. You lead to…
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Make a Prediction (Part 2)
For the past few weeks, Tommy has continued to practice “making predictions” during his quiet reading time. Sometimes, he gets it right (“I predict that the dog is going to rescue the little boy!”) but sometimes he still cannot grasp what will come next. Claire and Austin have been trying to help him, but that doesn’t stop the wild predictions Tommy sometimes creates in his head. “Maybe….” he might say, a slight smile on his face, “the dog decides to blast into outer space!” So while it seems like Tommy can understand this idea of “making predictions” it’s still not something that comes naturally to him. His life doesn’t revolve…
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I Just Want to Know
I have a lot of memories from 2018 when I was sitting in my kitchen talking to my friends Becky and Michelle. Of course, I have a lot of terrible memories from that spring, when all I did was cry, but I also have a lot of memories from later in the year when I felt more varied emotions and we laughed a lot more frequently. (As a side note, I’d like to reiterate one thing that I’ve said before – my relationship with my friends was pretty one-sided during that time period. They got me through that terrible year by doing a lot of listening and other support.) Anyway,…
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41
Tomorrow, I turn 41. I should be celebrating. I love my birthday – it’s one of my favorite days of the year. I love how everyone is super nice and wishes me “happy birthday” all day and how I hear from new and old friends alike. I love how my kids are on their best behavior and I love the cards they make me every year. But I can’t quite get excited about it because I’m turning 41. It’s the birthday Shawn never got to celebrate. It’s not just that I’m going to be older than him, for the first time ever. It’s not just that I’m now “in my…
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Sundance or Sunscreen?
I was walking on the beach with my dear friend Kelly one day a few months ago. We were talking about everything that you talk about with a friend you’ve known for 20 years – our families, our careers, our futures. The sun was setting as we walked, and I took a moment to let the water run over my toes and to feel really alive. It’s great to feel that way. When it happens, I often find myself able to think about the future. At that point in my life, I’d just ended the first romance I’d been in since Shawn’s death. I was reeling from the emotions that…