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Not a Shitty Husband
I was with a friend a few weeks ago who was recovering from surgery. He was hurting, and I suggested he take a painkiller. “I did that for about three weeks after the surgery,” he said, “but I’ve stopped doing that.” “Why?” I asked. “Take the drugs! There’s no reason to hurt like you are.” “Yes there is,” he said. “Because I hurt when I’m starting to over-do it. The pain warns me to stop.” “Right,” I said, feeling silly, “that, of course, is why pain exists.” We laughed a bit. But I thought about this idea later. We have physical pain to warn us about something – a headache…
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Marjorie’s Graduation Speech
Welcome families, friends, teachers, and graduates. To the class of 2019: thank you for inviting me to speak. I’m so lucky to be here. And so are you. You made it past this first big finish line: high school graduation. You wrestled with the complicated history of feminism with Julie. You explored your identity through art with Michelle. You learned about biogeochemical cycles from CA. And now, you’re getting ready to start the rest of your life. While I’m hopeful for all of you, I can’t predict your future. I don’t know whether you’ll major in engineering or graphic design. I don’t know who you’ll marry (or whether you’ll get…
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The Girl at the Coffee Shop
Is there anything better than writing on a beautiful day at an outdoor coffee shop? Not for me. I love it. And I finally had a few free hours to do it the other day. I sipped my tea slowly and listened to the wind in the trees. The silence was broken abruptly by the woman sitting next to me. She was young – probably a college student – and she was talking really loudly. I went to put on my headphones. But then I paused. “I guess she posted the photo of her dad in hospital because she wanted everyone to know what was going on,” the young woman…
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Walk to the End of the Driveway
My dad spent over four decades working as a doctor. Most of those years were spent in my hometown in Oregon. It’s a small town, and so my dad saw all sorts of people in his practice. But the life of an internist is not glamorous, and while my dad had a number of great stories when he was able to save someone’s life, usually his days consisted of seeing people with mundane problems like diabetes, high blood pressure and heart disease. Often, he had to talk to his patients about losing weight. “You just need to eat less and exercise more,” my dad would say. “I’m trying,” the patient…
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Freak-Out Letter #6
Just before Shawn and I got married, I almost backed out. I mean, not really. I knew I was going to marry him. But I had just turned 25 and I had a little freak-out that we were getting married too young. I had barely graduated from college and neither of us had jobs. We were moving to a city where we had no friends and I had spent the previous 3 years traveling around the world with little more than what I could fit in a backpack. I can’t remember exactly what brought on the freak-out, but I definitely remember crying to Shawn about how maybe we should postpone…
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Backsliding Into Grief
“Shawn used to order the craziest pizza toppings,” someone said with a smile. “He loved the ‘meat classic’ and anything else that had meat on top of meat,” I said, and everyone laughed. I was smiling remembering his ridiculous pizza orders for our group of friends. And then I was crying. Sobbing, really. “I miss him so much,” I kept saying as I continued to cry for what felt like a really long time. Everyone was comforting. I was beside myself. I don’t know how to fully put this down on paper, but at that moment I felt just as sad as I had in the weeks immediately after Shawn…
There’s No Handbook for How to Do This
