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Last Night
I felt the hair on his face brush up against my cheek. He pulled back for a minute and looked at me. I could see the lines around his eyes crinkle up into a slight smile. Then he closed his eyes and kissed me really slowly. His arms, strong and twice as big as my own, were wrapped around me. I was so happy. Blissfully happy, like that kind of happy you feel when a child is born or you have that first kiss with someone you know you’ll be with forever. But after that moment came confusion. Why was I so happy? He looked at me, and then I…
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Year of Yes
“You have to come,” Paige said to me, “this aerobics class is a unique Cayman experience. I can’t let you miss it.” I reiterated that I didn’t like workout classes. “I already have enough people demanding things of me,” I always say when people encourage me to sign up for something like Orange Theory or Soul Cycle. “Well this is more like a fast pass to Carnival,” she said, “and it’s time to go.” I went to the reggae aerobics class. I was her guest for the week, and this was something she really wanted me to do. The class was packed and had just started when we arrived. The…
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In the Movie Version of My Life
A few weeks ago, I was washing dishes and talking to my friends Becky and Michelle. They had come over with their kids for dinner and we were chatting about our lives. We discussed a blog post of mine that had come out recently – the one about how I need to figure out how to make it in the world without a man. “Not forever, mind you!” I said with a wink. They knew what I meant. I’m certainly not done with men for the rest of my life. And yet the future of that part of my life seems…difficult to comprehend. “In the movie version of your life,”…
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Dad Is Not a Zombie
A few weeks ago, I was driving through DC with Tommy and we passed a cemetery. “Mom, look!” he said, “graves!” “Yes,” I said. “There are graves in a….” He stopped because he couldn’t find the word. “Cemetery,” I answered. “And,” he said, “there are zombies in cemeteries.” I didn’t expect him to say that, so I paused for a second to reply and then before I could say anything else, he said, “My Dad is in a cemetery. So my Dad is a zombie!” “Dad is not a zombie,” I said back to him. “Dad died and his body is in the ground. He did not become a zombie.”…
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Reckless
Last week, I was hanging out at school with one of the art teachers. He was asking about my summer, and I told him that I really hadn’t had much fun. “I just want to have FUN again, you know?” He nodded along in agreement, although I think it was fairly impossible for him to imagine what life has been like for me lately. It hasn’t been fun. It seems like everything I’ve done lately has been for my children, and that all of my free time has been taken up with the annoyances of running a home by myself – finances, yard work, permission slips and the like. So…
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A Beautiful Day
Is there anything worse than crying in the middle of a really beautiful day? I’m talking about a really beautiful day. You know what I mean. Those perfect days, where the temperature is just right and there’s fun music coming from over the neighbor’s fence and you can smell someone grilling? The kind of day that we all live for – the kind of day where you say, “Isn’t it great to be alive?” I used to have that feeling a lot. I can’t count the number of times I’ve said that exact phrase, “Isn’t it great to be alive?” and truly meant it. Now I just feel grateful to…