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See It to Believe It
It was a year into widowhood, and an old group of friends of mine had suggested a short trip out West, a long weekend where we could reunite and also lose ourselves in the landscape of the desert. It had been a good decision to go, I realized, as I sat with them the first night and drank margaritas and tried to brainstorm how to find me a man who could drown my sorrows, at least for a night. We laughed a lot and talked about the days before we had children. They spent a good amount of time listening to me talk about my terrible first dating experiences and…
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Nun or Assassin? Your Guide to Widow Fashion!
This morning, I went to my closet to try and pick out my outfit for the day. First, I looked through my assortment of nun’s habits and other floor-length gowns complete with dark veils and other things that make is very difficult to see. They have to hang on the super-strength hangers as they are heavy and velvety and smell a bit like death. But as I was thumbing through these gorgeous pieces, I wasn’t sure about my clothing choice. Was this the vibe I was going for? I turned to the other half of my closet, the part where I have all of my lace-up bustiers and leather pants…
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Warning: Bad Things Happen to Me
The other day, I was emailing with a widow friend of mine who had something terrible happen to her – another issue that occurred after the already traumatic death of her partner. I was sympathetic, or at least that’s how I felt and I tried to show her that. “Geez, universe!” I wrote, “Isn’t widowhood enough?” We laughed a bit about that, but she was still really down. Why did bad things keep happening to her? I really felt for her. I’ve thought that a lot in my life – that bad things just happen to me. It is, of course, completely true and not true at all. It’s completely…
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Ask a Widow: What to Say to a New Widow
Right after Shawn died, a colleague of his contacted me. He wanted to express his condolences, but also let me know that his wife was available to talk to me, if I wanted. She had been widowed before they met, and though it had been years, she might be able to help me. He was right. Though we only spoke once – maybe two weeks after Shawn died – she helped me see that people can recover from loss. She didn’t tell me how to grieve or how to heal, but she showed me a path forward, even though I don’t think she knew that she was doing that. So…
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Resources from DC Widow
When I started DC Widow, I did it for a number of reasons, but one of the main drivers was that I couldn’t find anything on the internet that spoke to me as a young widow. Most of the resources I initially saw were either faith-based for devout Christians or ones focused on much older people. Where were the resources for someone like me? They existed, but it took a long time to find them. In fact, I’m still in the process of looking for more. That said, I thought it was time that there was a resource tab on my blog, because so many people have reached out in…
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You Can Just Be Happy
In early 2020, before the pandemic hit, I went out with the Cabal to an Irish pub, where we flirted with the bartenders and told funny stories and cried a little and laughed a lot. It was exactly how many of the Cabal gatherings always had been – filled with every possible emotion. I think our stated reason for the gathering was that someone was celebrating a deathiversary (and yes, that’s a word – otherwise known as the anniversary of someone’s death – see my posts on January 9th each year.) In any case, we definitely spent part of the night talking about loss. But we also discussed lighter things,…
There’s No Handbook for How to Do This
