• Girl with backpack in city scene like DC widow blog writer Marjorie Brimley
    Ask A Widow

    Ask a Widow: Navigating Friendships

    “My friend stopped calling me.” “I feel left out.” “It’s not the same with that group anymore.” One thing that I hear often from my readers is how often other relationships change after the death of a spouse. Yes, you’ve lost your partner, but when the fog clears and you can manage to have a conversation with some of your old friends, it’s sometimes surprising when things just don’t seem the same. It can be hard to put your finger on what’s actually changed in your other relationships, but it is something many widows experience. (I remember thinking, “am I imagining this?”) When Shawn died, I initially didn’t care much…

  • Pizza with pineapple like that discussed by DC widow blog writer Marjorie Brimley
    Dating

    Speed Dating

    “Are you all planning on wearing your wedding rings?” It was an innocent question coming from a friend of mine, another young widow named Alexi. In a few hours, we were slated to meet up with a few other young widows for a night on the town. We discussed the issue at length, eventually deciding that wearing a ring at a dating event would be pretty weird. Especially because we’d have little time to explain our complicated histories, as we were going speed dating. Yes, speed dating. Believe it or not, it still exists. Invented almost 20 years ago by a rabbi, speed dating is exactly what you think it…

  • Hiking on hash run like DC widow blog writer Marjorie Brimley
    New Perspectives

    Just Marjorie and the Hash Run

    I am trying new things. I mean, my whole life is about trying new things: learning to fix things around my house and grill for my kids and maintain a handle on my finances. But what I mean is that I’m trying new things that I don’t have to do. I’m experimenting with new recipes. I’m going out with men who aren’t typically my cup of tea. And of course, I’m running. Last week, I tried something really new: a hash run. For those of you who’ve never heard of a hash run, do not worry that you are out of the loop – until a friend suggested I do…

  • DC widow blog writer Marjorie Brimley puts on Tommy's shoes in front of door
    Ask A Widow

    Ask a Widow

    Every few weeks, I get a panicked email or call from a friend or acquaintance or stranger from the internet. “I don’t know what to do,” the person tells me, “my friend/sister/neighbor/colleague just lost her partner, and now she’s a widow. How can I help her?” I always ask more questions before I answer. Because, really, it depends. If this is your best friend, there are lots of things you can do. You can offer to help her deal with the funeral arrangements or stay overnight with her so she doesn’t have to be alone. But if she’s not a close friend, you may need to figure out another way…

  • DC widow blog writer Marjorie Brimley hugs her friend Michelle in field
    Things That Suck

    Do This, Because You Are Her Friend

    Let’s say you have a female friend that’s you’ve known for a number of years (and it could be a man, but for simplicity’s sake, let’s imagine it’s a woman.)  One day, her husband falls ill and soon after, he dies.  She is bereft, and also needs to figure out how to afford her house payments, continue with her career and care for her young children. In the initial days, you knew what to do.  Maybe you didn’t know what to say but you knew what to do.  Bring food, lots of it.  Donate to an online campaign to pay for funeral expenses.  Offer to pick up her kids from…

  • DC Widow blog writer Marjorie Brimley's desk with note that says you are loved
    What Not to Say

    What (Not) to Say in Crisis

    Right after Shawn died, lots of people tried to say things to me that were supposed to be comforting.  Most of these sayings reminded me of Hallmark cards, even if they were heartfelt (i.e. “I’m thinking of you in this difficult time.”)  Other times, people stumbled over their words, trying to find the right thing to say.  Sometimes, people said nothing at all. (As a note, I think saying nothing at all is the worst.  Better to mess up and say something annoying/imperfect than to ignore a terrible situation.  Even if it’s been a year or two and you still haven’t said anything to someone who’s grieving, you can do…