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An Anniversary of Sorts
Shawn and I were married when I was 25 and he had just turned 27. Back home in small-town Oregon, many of my friends were already married by 25. But my friends outside of my hometown were somewhat scandalized. At some point during our engagement, I overheard one friend ask another, “how long have they actually even known each other?” Another dear friend of mine asked me, “are you sure you want to marry Shawn? Like, for the rest of your life? You’re only 25!” None of these people really knew Shawn. They only knew that I was deciding to get married at a fairly young age. But everyone who…
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My Flawed Husband
I love reading things written by other widows. Even short Facebook posts are helpful for me because they remind me that I’m not the only one experiencing loss and that my feelings are not actually that bizarre (thank you, Hot Young Widows Club!) Sometimes, I find a good blog and spend hours learning more about the experiences of someone else. This happened to me the other day, and I read all about a woman who also lost her spouse at a young age. Like me, she wrote about the life she shared with her husband and young kids. But there was one glaring difference. She did not post anything that…
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“You look hot, by the way”
Two days before he died, Shawn was up at night, sick from chemotherapy and the cancer that was racking his body. It was about 2 am, and I stumbled out of bed in just a tank top and underwear, rushing to get him a towel to help him wash his face. He could barely walk, but he had managed to get himself to the bathroom without my help, and I was just standing there, trying to figure out what was the best thing for him. “What can I do for you?” I asked him. “Nothing,” he said. He paused. Then he turned and looked at me and said, “you look…
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My Eulogy of Shawn
This is the eulogy that I read at Shawn’s funeral on January 13, 2018: I only had him for 15 years, but I wanted him for 50 more. But Shawn would not want me to talk about how unfair it is that he was taken from me – and from all of us – far, far too soon. I know because that’s how he lived his life. Shawn was grateful for every single day he had on this planet. I know because he told me. Not just in the final days of his life but in every day before that. And so, today, I will tell you a piece of…
There’s No Handbook for How to Do This
