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I Turned Out Okay
People post comments on my blog fairly regularly, though most of them come from family and friends I’ve known for quite some time. Sometimes, however, I get comments from strangers. They might be other widows who’ve found me through social media or people who knew about Shawn professionally. But there’s one comment that I re-read constantly. It’s from a woman named Maeve, who I don’t know at all. Here is what she wrote (with a few minor edits): “I don’t know you or your family, but my father passed away from cancer when I was 9. My mother gave his eulogy too, and I still can’t believe what strength that…
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I’m Not Sure How You Survive That
It’s been a long time since I wore 3-inch heels. They sit in my closet, beautifully shiny and begging me to go out. The thing is, I’m perpetually sad, and going out won’t change that. But I’m tired of being at home all the time. In any case, the heels finally won out a few days ago and I got myself downtown. I was going to a political event – something Shawn and I would have done frequently if he were still alive. Most of the people there didn’t know me, and I found it interesting that I was able to carry myself so that it appeared I had it…
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To Update the Account
At 5 am the day Shawn died, I called and woke up my friend Becky. I needed her to get my will and bring the advance medical directive to the hospital so I could take over the medical decision-making for Shawn. She woke up our friend Michelle and they called a lawyer, who helped look over the documents. They got everything digitized and brought hard copies to me by the time the sun came up. I never needed them. Shawn died too quickly. I didn’t have to make any truly terrible decisions about his end-of-life care. But I’ll never forget them arriving at the crack of dawn, paperwork in hand.…
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Keep Walking Past That Door
I have another root canal today. It’s my second one in the past few months. For the first one, I had to leave Shawn at the hospital and go get the root canal and then come back immediately afterwards to be with him. He was having a hard time getting around at that point, and so he would make big goals like walking around the entire hospital wing three times. He’d wait for me to come to the hospital, and whenever I was there, we’d do his workout for the day. It was like watching someone do an Olympic event – he worked so damn hard, focusing on the task…
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My First Sleepover Birthday Party
Claire turned nine a few days ago, and last night was her birthday party. She begged me for a sleepover. I relented because 1) it seemed easier than any other alternative and 2) right now I’m trying to let my kids have as much fun as they can. I only let her invite a few kids and the night started out fine. Not perfect, because the unicorn pinata I bought was decapitated after one single hit to the head, but everyone seemed to be having fun otherwise. Very quickly, however, it became clear that this party was not going to be easy for me. Take the cake. I had actually…
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It Can Always Get Worse
Many years ago, when I had just moved to my current neighborhood, I went out to dinner with my new friend Becky, who I met through our kids’ preschool. I didn’t know her that well yet, but I knew she was fun and up for taking 4 kids under 4 out to dinner at our local Mexican restaurant. It was insane. Our 3-year-olds threw chips everywhere and wouldn’t stay in their seats. Her 1-year-old was crying and mine was drinking the salsa like it was water. We had both just worked all day and then were dealing with this. I looked at her, exasperated, and said, “my God, could it…
There’s No Handbook for How to Do This
