-
Ask a Widow: Why is Sex So Complicated?
Do you want to know what my most popular post of all time is? Take a guess. As you’re thinking, remember that I’ve written over 450 blog posts, many of them about intense grief, therapy, single parenting and finding new love. So….did you think of one you believe was really popular? Yes? Well….I bet you didn’t think it was one about sex. BUT IT IS! Yep, my most popular post of all time is “Ask a Widow: Yes, It’s Okay To Want To Have Sex Again,” from November, 2019. If somehow you haven’t read it (like Google Analytics tells me thousands (!) of people have), here’s an excerpt: Just the…
-
Deserving It
Over the past few months, I’ve been telling my friends, family and online community about my new relationship. “I’m so happy,” I say, honestly, and for those people who can see my face, they know that it’s true. Do you know what people almost always say back to me? “You deserve it!” When I hear this, I always say “thank you” and smile. I know that others are trying to say that they are so glad that I’ve been able to meet someone who makes me so happy. I get it. My dad and many of my friends have used this phrase when talking to me. In fact, I’ve said…
-
How (Not) to Date a Widow
A few months ago, I was texting with a friend of mine, who is widowed. He has had a couple of relationships since his wife died, and the two of us sometimes talk about the crazy world of dating. It’s been a mystery to both of us, really, but it’s been nice for me to have a man to bounce things off of every once in a while. I think he feels the same about me. Anyway, he’d recently broken up with a woman he’d been dating. She had become distant with him over the course of a couple of weeks and he decided she must not like him that…
-
Ask a Widow: What If He’s Not Shawn?
People love to write me about dating – how to start doing it, how to talk to someone you’re interested in, how to handle the dramas of dating (there are so many). One of the things I see repetitively on my blog are questions or comments about the specific issues pertinent to dating as a widow. There are a number of these, but one in particular stands out. I’ll paraphrase, but it usually goes something like this: I’m trying to date again because I don’t want to be alone. I am going out on dates, but nothing feels quite right. At the end of each date I think, “that person…
-
Ask a Widow: What’s So Hard With Online Dating?
Today’s “Ask a Widow” column comes from a comment I hear from a lot of people, most of whom are not online dating. It goes something like this: “you’re lucky to be dating in the digital age. Think of how many people you can meet online!”I know it’s meant to be encouraging. But I usually respond with some sort of comment about how dating is never easy, and that online dating is even more challenging than regular dating. This usually surprises people and often leads to the next question, the one I’m going to answer today: What’s so hard with online dating? If you are a widow who is trying…
-
Ask a Widow: Yes, It’s Okay to Want to Have Sex Again
WARNING: If you are squeamish about sex OR if you are my father, you may want to stop reading right now. Because I’m going to talk to you about sex. Not just about desire or dating, but actually about sex. And I’m not going to discuss the sex that you once had. I’m going to talk to you, my widowed friend, about wanting to have sex again. Even when you are grieving. Last week, I asked my readers to let me know the questions they had about widowhood and grieving. Many people wrote me, and the overwhelming topic was sex. A composite of the most common note went something like…
There’s No Handbook for How to Do This
