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And the Air Will Buzz Again
Officially, I came to New York to work on my writing and see my friend Paige who was in town for the weekend. But unofficially, I came for some breathing space. I came to get out away from the daily grind of working and parenting. I came to get a bit of time to feel more like my old self. New York did not disappoint. As I walked away from Penn Station, I smiled at the hoards of people crossing the street, selling cheap jewelry, begging for money and making business deals. New York is so alive. Paige and I ate great food and walked everywhere and stayed out late. …
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October 10th
I heard the story so many times, I could tell it verbatim to the doctors and nurses who asked. Yes, Shawn went to a baseball game early in October. Yes, he had at least one hot dog. Almost immediately after, the pain started. We thought he had food poisoning at first, and then maybe an infection. But it was that day – the day the pain crippled him for the first time – when things became truly concerning. That day was October 10th. He had some small warning signs before that. An upset stomach here or there, a twinge of pain every once in a while throughout the few weeks…
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Lemonade
“I love lemonade!” Tommy declared, as he walked out of the restaurant where we’d just finished eating. “You love lemonade, just like your Grandpa Tom,” I said. My dad laughed. Thirty minutes prior, when we were waiting in line to order, my dad confessed to me, “I let them get a fountain drink when we come here without you.” I told him it was fine with me if they got something sweet to drink, and I let the kids order what they wanted. Tommy chose lemonade, just like my dad. So as we exited the restaurant, we both laughed as Tommy took the last sips of his lemonade and danced…
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When 5-Year-Olds Talk About Death
Last weekend, I drove Tommy and his best friend to a birthday party. They sat in the back seat, chatting about super heroes and I listened to their funny conversation. “When I grow up, I want to be The Flash,” Tommy said. “Ya!” his friend said. Then they brainstormed about how Tommy might achieve that goal. It involved eating a lot of funny food and learning special tricks. Their voices were high and sweet, full of excitement about the party and the potential for super hero powers. As Tommy was dreaming up ideas of what he could do if he became The Flash, he paused and seemed to think of…
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Costco, the Cemetery, and My Dad
My dad loves Costco. In fact, I think he loves it even more than I do. He is a man who needs very little, but he is also someone who never likes to be short of supplies. As evidence, we currently have five gallons of milk in our fridge. (“Just in case the other four gallons get consumed in under 24 hours!” I told my sister the other day. She laughed. “I love dad,” she said.) In any case, when I mentioned that I needed to go to Costco to get some things for a party, my dad immediately said that he wanted to come with me. “Just so you…
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Do It When It Doesn’t Make You Want To Throw Up
I remember the moment – the exact moment – when someone brought up dating in our grief group. “When will we know it’s time to date?” Our group therapist, who was both blunt and kind, leaned back in her chair and took a deep breath. “You can start thinking about dating,” she said, “when it doesn’t make you want to throw up.” I remember very little about this grief group, as Shawn had died just a few months prior to it and I was in the haze of new loss. But this comment stuck with me. At the time, dating was not remotely on my radar, and if I had…
There’s No Handbook for How to Do This
