• Redwood tree similar to that used in Marjorie Brimley's EMDR image in therapy after becoming a widow
    New Perspectives


    I got together with one of my widow friends the other day (yes, that’s a thing) and we started talking about all of the crazy types of therapy we’ve both tried. Of course, we both have individual therapists (I’ve been through three) and group therapy (we’d each tried a few.) She told me about a “grief yoga” group she attended. I talked about the crazy “mindfulness and grief” group I went to that was not a terrible idea in theory but that I had to leave in practice once people started crying about their dead dogs. Of all of them, I found the spousal loss group I did at the…

  • Tommy and Marjorie Brimley before Shawn's death
    Things That Suck

    I’m Not Sure How You Survive That

    It’s been a long time since I wore 3-inch heels.  They sit in my closet, beautifully shiny and begging me to go out.  The thing is, I’m perpetually sad, and going out won’t change that.  But I’m tired of being at home all the time.  In any case, the heels finally won out a few days ago and I got myself downtown. I was going to a political event – something Shawn and I would have done frequently if he were still alive.  Most of the people there didn’t know me, and I found it interesting that I was able to carry myself so that it appeared I had it…

  • Tommy Brimley as a baby looking into his house in DC
    Things That Suck

    Keep Walking Past That Door

    I have another root canal today. It’s my second one in the past few months. For the first one, I had to leave Shawn at the hospital and go get the root canal and then come back immediately afterwards to be with him. He was having a hard time getting around at that point, and so he would make big goals like walking around the entire hospital wing three times. He’d wait for me to come to the hospital, and whenever I was there, we’d do his workout for the day. It was like watching someone do an Olympic event – he worked so damn hard, focusing on the task…