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I Am Someone New, Too
My sister had a baby last month. I was abroad when it happened, and I spent hundreds of dollars that day on my phone bill. I could hear the thrill of new parenthood in her voice, even just a few hours after she became a mom. I went to visit her a few weeks later. The second I saw her, I felt like I was going to start crying. There she was, holding her baby in a sling on her chest. The baby was sleeping. And my sister was beaming. In that moment, I could see it. My sister was the person she’d always been: thoughtful, and with a great…
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What I’m Scared Of
I slipped into the last spot on the elevator going up to my hotel room last week. As I fumbled in my purse for my room key (so I could push the button to my floor) the man standing next to me said, “quick! You better show us your room key so we know you are allowed up!” He meant it as a joke, but it felt like a strange thing to say, and I sort-of half smiled/half frowned at him while continuing to rifle through my purse. He beamed at the other people on the elevator, who were clearly friends of his. I got off at my floor, and…
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Heavenly Love
When Austin was first born, I was taking a walk with my sister and my new baby boy. Austin was probably a week old. Claire, who had just turned two, was home with Shawn. My sister and I were talking about birth and love and all of the other big things you can talk about with someone you’ve known your whole life. At some point, she asked me something about how it felt, now, to love two kids instead of one. While I don’t remember her exact question, I remember my answer. “Well,” I said, “I love Austin, but if for some crazy reason I had to choose between them,…
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Sometimes There’s a Little Vomit
I was away on vacation for the first time in months. It was glorious. I still woke up early, went on a run and had eggs for breakfast. But I got a bit of time and space to think, to breathe and to remember who I was without all of the distractions of daily life. My dad was home with the kids. I called every night and talked to them via FaceTime. One night he answered after just one ring. “Things are fine here,” he said. “But Austin is playing basketball in the alley and refused to come in for dinner.” He shook his head with a mixture of frustration…
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Across the Doctor’s Office
Almost daily, someone asks me why I decided to write this blog. Here’s the response I usually give: In the beginning it was a way for me to connect with my loved ones and get my feelings out into the open. But then the blog (and my motivations behind it) changed a bit. DC Widow became a place of where I could connect with people that I didn’t know, specifically other young widows. My posts sparked conversations with my friends both online and in person. Soon, I found that I had a new reason for writing. I wanted my loss to have some sort of meaning. One of the posts…
There’s No Handbook for How to Do This
