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Ask a Widow: What to Do When You’re a Widow and a Parent
After Shawn died, I had to plan the funeral and make sure that we would be financially stable and learn how to fix things around the house. But even in those early days, I knew I only had one real goal: make sure my kids remained emotionally whole. The thing is, I knew that it was possible. Yes, I was older when my mom died, but she was sick for many years. And yet, I was able to survive her death. There were a few reasons for this, but the main one was that I had my dad. So I knew that I could get my kids through this major…
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What’s the Worst Thing That Can Happen?
I was driving to a cross-country meet with Claire a few weeks ago, and she was really nervous. “I have butterflies!” she said from the backseat. I tried to calm her down. She’s still in elementary school and she was only going to be running a couple of miles. “It’s for fun, anyway,” I said. “But what if it’s terrible?” she said. I could hear the worry in her voice. “Okay,” I said, “what’s the worst thing that can happen today?” “I could die!” Claire said. “You’re not going to die,” I said. “You know that. So let’s think about what actually might happen.” “I could have to walk,” she…
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Grandpa Tom Returns
We counted down the days. Tommy, unable to understand the days of the week, would simply ask, “is it tomorrow?” every day. We cleaned the house and Claire made a cake. We were so excited, and when he finally walked in the door after a summer away, all three kids screamed at the same time: “GRANDPA TOM!!!” My dad was laughing. He was tan, a result of daily rounds of golf back in Oregon, and his white hair stuck out at the sides. He set down his bags and picked up each kid before giving me a hug. “We’re really glad you’re here,” I said, in the biggest understatement of…
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What My Kids Need At School This Year
School starts tomorrow. I’m so nervous that I’m having a hard time sleeping. I know I shouldn’t be. My kids go to a great school. They know most of the kids who will be in their classes. Many adults in the building know their names and all three of them seem genuinely excited to start. I know they will learn. I’m always surprised at how much math they are able to do every year. I marvel at how impressive my daughter’s writing has become and the way that my older son can rattle off science statistics that I’d have to look up on Google. I love that my 5-year-old can…
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Pistachio Nuts, Epipens and Friends
Last Thursday was a great day. Claire tried out for the local rock climbing team, and since I don’t have childcare in the summer, I took the boys to watch. They had fun too, and we all drove home with the windows down and the music blasting. I put frozen taquitos in the oven for my kids as we all re-lived the fun we’d had that afternoon. And then I almost ended up in the ER. You see, I’m super allergic to tree nuts, and somehow, I’d ordered a salmon meal for my dinner that contained pistachio nuts. In my haste to get everyone’s food ready, I didn’t read the…
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Can’t You Just…?
A few months ago, I was talking to an acquaintance and had a moment of candor. “I’m really lonely,” I said. “I miss Shawn. And I’m also tired of being alone all the time. They’re two parts of my sadness that are linked, but also separate in a way.” She looked at me thoughtfully. “I understand you really miss Shawn. But if you want to get rid of the loneliness, can’t you just set up an online dating profile?” I awkwardly tried to tell her that it wasn’t so easy. Putting myself out there is a really daunting prospect. She meant well. She was trying to be helpful. I wasn’t…
There’s No Handbook for How to Do This
