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I Can’t Do This Anymore
You know that feeling you had last week? Or maybe it was yesterday? Or even right now? I’m talking about the feeling that says, “I can’t do this anymore!” I mean, maybe you haven’t had this feeling yet. Maybe you actually like this quarantine. Maybe you have a secure, well-paying job and a stockpile of food and no medical issues and no young children and a big backyard and a partner who is quarantining with you. I mean, there are ways that people could enjoy this time period. But for most people, it sucks. And for many of my friends, last week was when I started hearing people say, “I…
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Breaking Point
Monday was a beautiful day here in Washington, and after a very frustrating session of trying to help Tommy read, I decided that we should spend a little time laying in the hammock. I got in and he sat in my lap. Then he laid his head on my stomach and we swung back and forth and I thought, “this is a bit of perfection.” Austin snapped a photo and when he showed it to me, I thought it was so cute that I sent it to a friend. My friend texted me back something sweet, but then added, “did you see the stay-at-home order?” I immediately went to my…
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It’s Not Something You Can Catch
I was at a party a while back and I met a group of single people. The host introduced me to them after I mentioned the difficulty of meeting people outside my circle of (mostly married) friends. Everyone was kind (though no one shook hands, because even though it was February, we were still being cautious – you didn’t know what you could catch!) and we started chatting about nothing. Eventually, people started sharing stories of how they’d met each other, and a couple of them talked about getting divorced and finding support in other divorced people. They could share stories with each other, and also commiserate about parenting. I…
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Ask a Widow: What’s So Hard With Online Dating?
Today’s “Ask a Widow” column comes from a comment I hear from a lot of people, most of whom are not online dating. It goes something like this: “you’re lucky to be dating in the digital age. Think of how many people you can meet online!”I know it’s meant to be encouraging. But I usually respond with some sort of comment about how dating is never easy, and that online dating is even more challenging than regular dating. This usually surprises people and often leads to the next question, the one I’m going to answer today: What’s so hard with online dating? If you are a widow who is trying…
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Ask a Widow: How Do I Start to Date Again?
At least once a week, I get a message that goes something like this: I read your article on Vox about dating as a young widow and then I found your blog. I appreciated that you’ve written about sex and heartbreak, but I’m honestly not there yet. What I need to know is this: how do I even begin the process of dating again after a decade (or two or three) of marriage? I know that this question isn’t about the logistics of dating. I mean, I’d never done an online dating profile until I became a widow, but these sorts of things are not rocket science (and if you…
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My Widow Friend Abena
I was really nervous about attending my first spousal loss group. The first group I went to included two people who were there to grieve their dogs. (I’m serious. You can’t make this stuff up.) So I wasn’t sure what to expect when I walked through the door. As I entered the therapy room, the first person I saw was an old man in a wheelchair who was probably 90 years old. Great, I thought. I sat down on the couch and smiled at him. He looked sad. More people filed in. I was glad (in a bizarre way) to see that there were a few other young people. It…
There’s No Handbook for How to Do This
