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Ask a Widow: How Do I Start to Date Again?
At least once a week, I get a message that goes something like this: I read your article on Vox about dating as a young widow and then I found your blog. I appreciated that you’ve written about sex and heartbreak, but I’m honestly not there yet. What I need to know is this: how do I even begin the process of dating again after a decade (or two or three) of marriage? I know that this question isn’t about the logistics of dating. I mean, I’d never done an online dating profile until I became a widow, but these sorts of things are not rocket science (and if you…
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Hey Married Lady! Here’s What You Can Do To Support Your Single Friend
Let’s say you know a single woman. Maybe she’s divorced or maybe she’s a widow or maybe she’s coming off of a long-term partnership. But whatever the case, she’s now single. And she doesn’t want to be. You, however, are married. You aren’t always happy with everything your spouse does, but you have a stable marriage. You’ve dated in the past, but that was many years ago. So now you are watching your friend try to start dating. Maybe it’s been a really long time since you were in the dating world, and the idea of internet dating or sleeping with someone new seems really daunting. Trust me – it’s…
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Ask a Widow: Navigating Friendships
“My friend stopped calling me.” “I feel left out.” “It’s not the same with that group anymore.” One thing that I hear often from my readers is how often other relationships change after the death of a spouse. Yes, you’ve lost your partner, but when the fog clears and you can manage to have a conversation with some of your old friends, it’s sometimes surprising when things just don’t seem the same. It can be hard to put your finger on what’s actually changed in your other relationships, but it is something many widows experience. (I remember thinking, “am I imagining this?”) When Shawn died, I initially didn’t care much…
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Ask a Widow: What to Do When You’re a Widow and a Parent
After Shawn died, I had to plan the funeral and make sure that we would be financially stable and learn how to fix things around the house. But even in those early days, I knew I only had one real goal: make sure my kids remained emotionally whole. The thing is, I knew that it was possible. Yes, I was older when my mom died, but she was sick for many years. And yet, I was able to survive her death. There were a few reasons for this, but the main one was that I had my dad. So I knew that I could get my kids through this major…
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Ask a Widow: Yes, It’s Okay to Want to Have Sex Again
WARNING: If you are squeamish about sex OR if you are my father, you may want to stop reading right now. Because I’m going to talk to you about sex. Not just about desire or dating, but actually about sex. And I’m not going to discuss the sex that you once had. I’m going to talk to you, my widowed friend, about wanting to have sex again. Even when you are grieving. Last week, I asked my readers to let me know the questions they had about widowhood and grieving. Many people wrote me, and the overwhelming topic was sex. A composite of the most common note went something like…
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Ask a Widow
Every few weeks, I get a panicked email or call from a friend or acquaintance or stranger from the internet. “I don’t know what to do,” the person tells me, “my friend/sister/neighbor/colleague just lost her partner, and now she’s a widow. How can I help her?” I always ask more questions before I answer. Because, really, it depends. If this is your best friend, there are lots of things you can do. You can offer to help her deal with the funeral arrangements or stay overnight with her so she doesn’t have to be alone. But if she’s not a close friend, you may need to figure out another way…
There’s No Handbook for How to Do This
